It's a Wonderful Life
by goldpiece
Summary: With a confusion of details locked in his head, and no longer knowing what's real and what isn't, Booth thinks about ending it all. Will help from an unusual source be able to help him sort through the muddle to show him it really is a Wonderful Life?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Okay, so I know I said that I was going to try and finish up my unfinished stories, but this is an idea I've been throwing around for a while. This story is quite blatantly my version of that great movie, 'It's a Wonderful Life'. If there's anyone out there who's never seen this amazing classic film, just google the title and you should be able to come up with a link to watch it. The movie was voted the most inspirational movie ever made so it's definitely worth a look over. Anyway, I hope you like this. Please let me know what you think.

_Dear God, please help my dad. Mom says that until he's better I can't see him, and I want to see him real bad. He's so sad right now and I just want him back. Help me get him back, please._

_St. Anthony I'm asking for your help. Seeley is so on the edge of something destructive and he doesn't deserve that for his life. Send him the guidance he needs to come back to himself, please._

_Look, I know I don't pray that often or at all really, but I'm seriously worried about Booth. Something's wrong and I seriously don't know what it is, but you need to help him. He's the most selfless man I know and he needs help. Please._

_I don't know why I'm doing this, because it's completely illogical to think that there is a higher being out there in the universe somewhere that would intercede in someone's life just because I'm asking, but Booth always said that I have to have more faith, so for his sake, I'll do this. I think that if there truly is a higher power then that being would have treated someone as good as Booth much better in his life, so you need to help him. I'm worried that he is going to do something destructive with his life and I don't know what I'll do without him. I don't want to be the person I was before I met him, and though I'm not dependent on him, I've come to love how we depend on each other. Please, if I'm wrong and there is a god out there, help Booth. He has a lot of people that love him. Let him see that, please._

December 2009

Booth stood on a bridge overlooking the Potomac River as snow swirled around him. He watched the water move below him, carrying chunks of ice along in the current. How could this be his life at the age of thirty seven? Fighting the memory loss brought on by his brain surgery was bad enough without longing for the life he'd made up during his coma. At least then he'd had everything he wanted in life. He had a beautiful and intelligent wife, a child on the way, and a job that didn't involve dead bodies.

He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to organize the flood of memories bombarding his mind with the same chaos as the ice in the river below. The flood had started out as a trickle really, a memory here or there, but now he was overwhelmed with them, though none of them seemed to be good. Maybe if he could find enough good in his life, then he could prove to himself that he was worth something in the long run, because it certainly didn't feel that way to him right now.

Booth clutched at his coat, pulling it tight around him. He'd remembered enough from his career in the FBI to know that he needed to leave on his coat, shoes and socks to make sure it didn't look like he'd intentionally thrown himself into a river. He glanced down again at the freezing water. He just needed one more chance to think he was good enough, and not the failure that he currently felt. Thinking hard, he reorganized the flood of memories in his mind. There had to be enough good in his life to make it worth sticking around, and he was determined to remember it.

May 1975

"Seeley, you hold still," Margaret Booth scolded her two and a half year old as they stood at the exit ramp, waiting for the passengers to disembark. The little boy pulled at her hand and whined a bit as he tried to escape and urn toward the large windows. His grandfather chuckled and picked him up, settling young Seeley on his hip.

"Asking him to calm down is like telling the tide to stand still, you know that."

"But John's going to be here any minute and I want him to see how well behaved his son is."

"Seeley's always a good boy, he's just active, that's all. Besides, he's likely to not remember his dad at all you know."

"Don't say that. I've shown him pictures. He knows what his daddy looks like."

"Knowing what he looks like and knowing who he is are two different things." Margaret opened her mouth to retort, but closed it again as passengers began to exit the plane. She looked through the growing crowd with anticipation. Her husband would finally be back after two years away.

All around them, families hugged their loved ones, tears of happiness streaming down their cheeks at the sight of their loved ones gone for so long a time. The stream of passengers slowed, and Margaret was losing hope that her husband was one of the many people exiting when she saw him. He looked tired and so much older than he'd been even two years previous. There was a stoop to his shoulders and a dullness to his eyes that seemed to draw in those around him, dousing them in the hurt he was feeling.

"John," Margaret called out, waving her arms and running toward her husband. A smile lit his face, and for all his weariness, he looked much more like the man she married. He met her with open arms, pulling her close and kissing her. Here was something real, something tangible that he could hold onto.

"Where's my boy," he asked as they pulled away from each other, though never letting go. Margaret pointed to her father-in-law, who set Seeley down and watched as he ran up to his father.

"Daddy?" John grinned and picked the little boy up.

"That's right little man, I'm daddy. You're so much bigger than when I saw you last. What happened?"

"I growed."

"I can see that. What do you say we get out of here? I've had more than enough of airports." John set down Seeley and took him by the hand as they left the terminal with Margaret and his father. It had been two years since John had last been with them, and it was time to be a family again. This time, he intended to stay. He hadn't yet told his wife that his career in the army was over, but there would be time. For now, he just wanted to enjoy being together with the people he cared the most for in the world.

November 1976

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Seeley, happy birthday to you." Margaret put a birthday cake down in front of the four year old and watched as he blew out the candles. She bustled to the living room to pick up her new baby, Jared, as her father-in-law cut the cake and dished out a piece to young Seeley.

"Grandpa, I thought we were waiting for daddy." The old man's face tightened and then he smiled down at his grandson.

"Your daddy's got some business in town and he'll be back later. Don't worry, there's plenty of cake left for him."

"But he's not gonna be here for my presents."

"Well then, I'll make sure to take lots of pictures so he can look at them later, okay?" Seeley nodded and took a small bite of his cake as his mother came back in the room with Jared.

"I was hoping he'd sleep a little longer, but looks like I was wrong. Do you like the cake Seel?"

"Yes thank you." Margaret ruffled his hair and smiled as she cradled the month old infant in her arms.

"You hurry up and eat that so we can get to your presents, okay?"

"Can't we wait for daddy?" His mother sighed and sat down next to him at the kitchen table.

"Sweetie, he wanted to be here, really but something came up and he's not going to be home until late. I don't want you up past your bedtime waiting for him. Besides, didn't your grandfather say that he'd take lots of pictures?" Seeley nodded his head and looked back down at the cake in front of him. It just wasn't the same without his daddy around. "Well then we'll just have to show him the pictures."

It was late when young Seeley woke from a fitful sleep to the sound of yelling. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, hoping to block out the argument just down the hall, but it was to no avail. The voices were just too loud.

"Who gives a shit why it took me so long to get home? That's none of your business."

"It is when your son was wondering why you weren't there for his birthday. He was really disappointed John."

"Well he's just going to have to learn to live with disappointment then, isn't he? I don't want some sissy son who whines when things don't go his way."

"He's four! How can you think that you're doing him a favor?"

"Better he learn now than when he's older. No one likes a crybaby."

"I don't know what happened to you Jonathan Booth, but you're not the man I married five years ago."

"You think this is the life I wanted back then? Who the hell would want to be trapped in this shit hole?" The voices stopped, and the sound of the front door slamming shut announced that John Booth had left the house. A tear slipped out of Seeley's eye as he opened them to stare at the ceiling. If his daddy wanted him to be a grown up then that's what he'd have to do to make sure he'd stick around. There was no way his daddy would leave because of him. He'd show him just how much of a big boy he could be.


	2. Chapter 2

June 1981

"Kabloosh!" Dirt flew up in the air as two young boys raced across the yard and toward the cover of bushes. "Hurry up soldier; you're going to give away our position."

"Seeley, slow down, I can't keep up." Seeley Booth turned around and grabbed his brother by the arm, jerking down low into the cover of the bushes.

"You want to give up our location to the Commies?" Jared looked at his older brother with wide eyes and shook his head.

"No sir."

"Good. Do you have the grenades?" The younger Booth nodded, his eyes wide as he opened up his backpack. The sack was filled to the brim with water balloons. Seeley nodded in approval and pulled out one particularly fat one. "Excellent. They'll never see what's coming."

"We'll show them, won't we?" Jared turned to look between the thick brush as he too grabbed hold of a water balloon.

"Remember, you've got to be quiet or they'll be able to find us." Seeley looked from his brother and out into the yard. His grandfather told him all about how to be stealthy. He'd helped rescue POWs from the Japanese during the Second World War, and you didn't get to be more of a hero than that.

Jared punched his arm and pointed to the bushes on the far side of they yard. The plants moved and Seeley smiled. He was so much smarter than his friends. They didn't know how to be stealthy, but he did. They wouldn't know what hit them. In just a moment, his friends…or rather 'the Commies' burst out of the bushes, yelling as they ran toward Seeley's location. He held his hand out, stopping Jared from attacking too soon. 'Wait' he mouthed. The younger Booth nodded and waited for his brother's signal.

"Now!" Seeley and Jared popped up from their hiding place and began to pelt their friends with the water balloons. "Take that you Commies!" The boys all shrieked and began to run around the yard, balloons flying back and forth between them. Jared picked up the last two balloons and handed one to his brother. They both reached back and lobbed the balloons; Seeley's flying across the yard and hitting his friend Sam squarely in the back. Jared's however was a problem. It soared through the air just as the sliding door to the backyard opened, hitting his father in the face.

Everything stopped, Seeley and Jared's eyes widening in fear as their friends looked on, not sure what was going on, but when the beer bottle slipped from John Booth's hand and hit the ground, shattering and spilling beer everywhere, they scattered.

"God damn it, what the hell's going on out here?" John's eyes were blazing with fury as he looked back and forth between the two boys. "You and your shit head friends killing my grass by tearing through it, leaving these god damned pieces of rubber and shit all over. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I…I…we were…" Jared tried to talk, but tears welled in his eyes.

"You were what? Stop blubbering like a moron." Seeley looked from his father to his brother, and stepped in front of the younger boy.

"We were just playing soldier. I didn't mean to hit you with the balloon." John's face turned even redder, a vein pounding on his forehead. He stormed forward, grabbing his son by the arm.

"You probably set all this up to, didn't you?" John shoved his son forward, making him stumble. "Get up you shit head and clean up this mess, you hear me?" Just as Seeley regained his feet, his father shoved him again. He tripped over his rapidly retreating brother and fell forward, hitting the edge of a brick retaining wall.

He cried out and gripped his side, trying to force back the tears. The last thing he wanted right now was for his father to think he was a crybaby. He pulled away his hand and did start crying in earnest at the blood there.

"What is going on out here," Margaret asked, peeking her head out into the backyard for the first time. Seeley howled in pain and held out his hand, covered in blood as it also seeped through his shirt. "Oh my god, John! Get the car John!" She ran over to her son to check on the wound, panic edging her movements and ignoring the wailing from her younger son. "Baby, what happened?"

"I…we…" He tried to answer but couldn't get it out through the sobs. Margaret put her hand over the wound, trying to stop the bleeding as she turned and looked at her younger son.

"Jared, what happened?" The younger boy looked terrified as he looked past his mother to where his father still stood. Margaret turned around and looked at her husband. "Well if you aren't going to help then I'll do this myself. Jared let's go." She picked up Seeley, trying to keep his wound covered and raced around to the front of the house for the car.

XxXxX

"Do you know what happened?" Seeley awoke in the hospital room after a whirlwind trip to the emergency room. He turned his head a bit in the dim light to look at his mother as she talked to the doctor. His brother Jared was there, asleep in her lap, but his father was nowhere around.

"Honestly I don't. I know the boys were playing in the backyard and when I came out to check on them, my son was crying and holding his side." Margaret closed her eyes and tightened up her face. She had the feeling after seeing the broken beer bottle on the ground that John had something to do with it. "I think he fell over something."

"Hmmm, well, we'll let you rest for now, but I'll be back in the morning to check on him." Margaret nodded at the doctor and sighed as he left. She turned and smiled at her son when she saw that he was awake.

"Hey baby, how are you feeling?"

"My side hurts." She reached over and ran a hand through his hair.

"You'll feel better soon baby, okay? Then we can take you back home."

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"If I have to stay here, can you make sure that Jared is safe?" A tear ran down Margaret's cheek as she nodded at her son.

"Did your father have something to do with this?"

"It was my fault mom. I tripped and I fell on the wall after dad told me to pick up the balloons." Margaret leaned down and kissed her son's forehead.

"Try and get some sleep baby. I love you."

"I love you too mom."

December 1984

"Watch what you're doing Sam! You don't high stick," Seeley called out as he skated furiously after one of his friends. The day was crisp and beautiful out though quite cold. Breath puffed from his mouth as he caught up and stole the puck. He smiled in triumph, turning suddenly and skating in the opposite direction. He passed the puck to his younger brother, but paused as he heard an odd groaning sound.

"Seel, what the hell?" His friend Sam slammed into him from the sudden stop, knocking both boys to the ground.

"I think we need to get off the ice."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Sam, I heard it groan. I think it's gonna break up." Just as the words left his mouth, he heard a loud crack, a yelp and a splash in the distance. Both boys looked up to see the rest of their friends standing around a hole in the ice as someone flailed to reach the edge.

"Who fell in," Sam yelled as he and Seeley skated over to the others. Seeley didn't need an answer though when he realized that his brother was nowhere in sight.

"Jared!" His friends moved out of the way as he dropped to his stomach to try and reach his brother. "Give me your hand." He reached out, but the groans coming from the ice worried him. He looked back over his shoulder at his friends. "Form a chain. I have to go in after him.

"But Seel…" Sam didn't get a response as his friend leapt into the freezing water to reach his brother. The breath was knocked out of him as he hit the water. A million pinpricks rose over his body and he felt like he couldn't breathe. His skates and heavy clothes weighed him down, but he ignored it as he reached out for his brother.

"Hold on Jar, I've got you." He grabbed the collar of his brother's jacket and struggled to get him to the stronger ice. Sam lay on the ice, reaching out for the younger Booth as their other friends held onto him. The boys pulled hard, dragging Jared onto the ice before going back for Seeley. Both were shivering uncontrollably from the cold.

"You two need to get to the hospital," Sam said with a frown. He didn't know much, but he did know that being in freezing water wasn't a good thing. Seeley shook his head as his entire body shook.

"J-j-j-just h-h-h-help us-s-s-s g-g-g-g-g-e-e-e-t-t-t h-h-h-o-o-m-m-m-e-e."

"Are you sure because I think you need a hospital."

"P-p-p-lease." Sam nodded his head and the group hurried to change out of their skates and get Seeley and Jared home. Margaret was horrified to see her boys shivering uncontrollably. She rushed them to bed, piling on blankets and hot water bottles in an attempt to warm them up. It was hours later that she poked her head into the room the boys shared to check on them. She smiled at Seeley when he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"How are you feeling baby?" He grimaced as he swallowed.

"I think I'm getting a cold."

"Well you just rest and I'll make sure you get better, okay?" He nodded and closed his eyes again as she kissed his forehead. So long as his mom was there, everything would be okay. She'd take care of them like she always did.


	3. Chapter 3

August 1987

"Seeley, what are you doing up here?" Seeley Booth turned to look at his grandfather as the old man climbed up into the attic. He shifted the item in his hand so his grandfather wouldn't see what he had, and at this point he couldn't handle getting caught.

"Nothing," the fourteen year old answered glumly. His grandfather raised his eyebrows at the huge shiner the boy sported on his right eye.

"What happened to your eye?"

"Patrick called Aunt Ruth a dike." The older Booth sighed and sat down next to his grandson. "I couldn't let him say that about her, you know that she was a… that she likes women."

"So you got into a fight."

"Well yeah, I mean I couldn't let him say that about Ruth."

"Seeley, it's good that you stood up for your aunt, but for the wrong reason. Your friend's right about who your aunt is attracted to, but he shouldn't have used the term he did."

"So she is a…" His grandfather nodded. "Oh."

"Look's like your friend got in a lucky punch though." The elder Booth indicated his grandson's black eye. Seeley shook his head and looked away from his grandfather again. He toyed with the item still hiding just under his crossed legs, using it as a sort of worry stone.

"Pat's not the one who hit me."

"Your father?" The teenager nodded, still not meeting his grandfather's eyes. "What happened?"

"I don't know. He said he was proud of me for holding my own in a fight, and then mom said that I shouldn't have been in the fight in the first place. She said that violence was never the way to solve a problem and dad just lost it," Seeley shrugged and then raked his free hand through his curly hair. "They started yelling at each other, and mom said that dad was setting the wrong example, and that I should at least be punished for getting in a fight." Tears welled up in the teenager's eyes and he swiped at them angrily. He had to be able to get through this without crying. If he was too weak, he wouldn't be able to do it, and then he'd be trapped in a life he hated.

"I can see your mom's point, there was no need to beat up your friend even if it was in defense of another person, but you aren't a troublemaker."

"That's not what dad said."

"What happened son?" The elder Booth reached out and put a comforting hand on his grandson's shoulder.

"Dad asked mom if she really wanted me punished for getting into a fight, and when she tried to respond, he pushed her in a chair and told her that she'd see me punished." Seeley squeezed his eyes shut and his breath hitched. He could still feel the explosion of pain erupt on his face from where his father hit him. "Mom screamed at him to stop after he hit me the first time, but he just didn't listen."

"Seeley…"

"She left us grandpa! She just left. She said she couldn't live with a monster like dad anymore and she just left. How could she do that?" The teenager flung his arms around his grandfather's neck. It didn't matter at that moment that he was fourteen and too old for this type of display. His grandfather offered comfort and safety and all the things he didn't have at home anymore.

His grandfather simply patted his back and let him have his weak moment as he cried into his shirt. When Seeley finally pulled back, a bit ashamed at his outburst, he looked at his grandfather with a tear-streaked face. "Don't send me back to my dad's. If I have to stay there, I'm going to kill myself. I can't handle this anymore. I can't handle the yelling and the hitting and trying to keep Jared safe. He's a kid; he shouldn't have to go through any of this."

"Listen to me Seeley. I'll see what I can do about keeping you and your brother for a while; at least until whatever is going on between your parents is settled, okay? I want you to promise me one thing though."

"What?" The elder Booth reached past the distraught teenager and picked up the gun abandoned on the floor.

"Don't ever think that killing yourself is the answer. Not only would you be giving up God's greatest gift, but you'd be depriving the world of one hell of a person. You're meant for great things kid, and there's nothing that will be thrown at you that you can't handle, you got that? You have these thoughts in the future and you come talk to me." Seeley nodded miserably as his grandfather looked at the confiscated gun. "Anyway, it'd be a little hard to shoot yourself with this one. It doesn't even fire anymore. That's why I put it away." The older man smiled at his grandson as he put the old gun back into the trunk it had been pulled from.

"Do you mean it grandpa?"

"Of course I do. The thing hasn't fired in years."

"No not the gun. Did you mean it when you said I could stay here?" The two stood, dusting off their pants before heading back down the ladder into the main portion of the house.

"You and your brother are always welcome here, you know that. I'll talk to your dad tonight, okay?" Seeley smiled for the first time in what felt like days and wiped at his somewhat runny nose.

"Okay."

"Good, now how about we go out and get ourselves a cheese steak?" He ruffled his hand through the fourteen year old's hair and both headed out for a much needed break.

November 1988

Seeley sat on the couch next to Lisa Ann Chase, his girlfriend of a couple of weeks as they watched television. He had his arm slung over her shoulder, and was contemplating exactly how far he could get with her before she either told him that she wasn't that kind of a girl, or his grandfather got home. It had been about a month since his rather embarrassing experience under the bleachers with Karen Isley, and he'd decided that maybe he could lay off the handsy stuff for a while, but boy the itch was still there.

Screw it, he thought and shifted his hand down just a little. In just a second he'd have it on her perky little chest and he'd be able to see how far things got from there. Anyway, it was his sixteenth birthday and he deserved a little loving damn it. Lisa glanced at him for a moment as contact was made, but said nothing as a small grin spread on her face. Seeley took it as an invitation and leaned in to kiss her.

"Seeley, I understand you've saved up quite a bit of money of late." The two teenagers sprung apart at the sound of Seeley's grandfather coming into the room. Seeley turned around and tried desperately to not look guilty. The elder Booth simply smiled in amusement at what he'd obviously interrupted and leaned on the edge of the doorway.

"Yes sir, I've saved up about a thousand dollars." He glanced over at Lisa and noted that she looked duly impressed. It had been grueling earning that much money too. He'd done odd jobs for friends of his grandfather and aunts to get the money together for the one thing he really wanted, a car. He now had more than enough for a down payment, and now that he was sixteen, he'd be able to get a real job so he could make payments on it.

"So, have you thought about what kind of car you want?" The teenager looked for a moment like a deer caught in the headlights. Had he thought about what he wanted?

"Not really. I mean a 'stang would be cool, but I don't think I can afford that." His grandfather smiled a bit wider and he motioned with his head to the front door. Seeley's heart hammered as he got up off the couch, Lisa following close behind him. Did his grandfather actually get him a mustang?

"Wow, who's the cool car for," Jared asked as he burst in the front door fresh from baseball practice. Seeley looked at his grandfather, shocked at what his brother said. He rushed outside and skidded to a stop at the sight on the driveway. It was a bit beat up, and obviously needed some work but it was a beauty regardless.

"I figure that you and I can work on her a bit until you get your driver's license and then she's all yours Seeley," the Elder Booth said as he took in the sixteen year old's expression.

"Grandpa, I can't take this. It's a nineteen fifty five Thunderbird convertible. I can't…"

"Well I figure you've been saving up for a car and I know how much you like working with your hands, so why not combine the two?"

"You got Seeley a car for his birthday? No way grandpa." Jared stared at the car, his expression much like that of his brother's. "That's not fair. I only got a bike for mine."

"You're also only twelve Jared, and not exactly old enough to drive. You work to save up for something like this and we'll see what happens on your sixteenth birthday." Seeley heard the conversation, but he wasn't paying any attention to whatever his little brother's pout was regarding. He only had eyes for the beauty in front of him. He could use the money he saved to pay for the work that needed to be done, but it would be worth it once the car was finished. At the gentle squeeze on his fingers, he turned to look at his girlfriend.

"So Seel, when do we get to break it in?" He grinned at her and disentangled their fingers before slinging his arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, we can break it in whenever you want to." Seeley turned around at the sound of a finger snap. Crap, had his grandfather heard him?

"None of that, you hear me? I didn't get this car for that kind of activity."

"I don't know what you're talking about grandpa. I only want to take Lisa for a swing in the car."

"Yeah, and I wasn't your age once. This car goes nowhere until after you get your license, and there'll be no activities you two shouldn't be engaging in inside this car, you got that?" Seeley turned a bit red that they were having this conversation not only in front of Lisa but also his younger brother. It was probably a good thing that his grandfather didn't know about his 'extra-curricular activities' under the bleachers at school.

"It's not like Seeley hasn't done it before," Jared said, and Seeley wanted to strangle the little twerp. He could see the look of surprise on both his grandfather's and Lisa's face at Jared's little admission.

"Okay, we're going to end this discussion for now, but don't think for a minute young man that we aren't going to continue it tonight after dinner. Your aunt Ruth has something planned for your birthday and I don't want it spoiled by ill feelings, you got that?" Seeley could only nod as he felt blood rush to his cheeks. It looked like he wouldn't be getting lucky anytime soon. That'd show him telling his little brother anything.

XxXxX

"Seeley, I want you to know how disappointed I am in you right now." Seeley sat on the front porch of the house with his grandfather as they looked out onto the street. Lisa had long since gone home, and Jared was inside watching television. "When I took you in last year I thought that you'd learned a thing or two about responsible behavior but I guess I was wrong. When was your first time boy?"

"Grandpa…"

"Look, right now I don't give a shit if this makes you uncomfortable, you answer the question." Seeley sighed and closed his eyes. This was so completely humiliating.

"Earlier this year."

"Oh? And did you protect yourself?"

"What?"

"Look Seeley, maybe we should have had this chat a while ago, but we didn't. God knows your father wouldn't have said anything, but now's as good a time as any to talk about responsibility. I wasn't exactly the most innocent of young people myself, especially not during the war. I wasn't at home and there were victory girls everywhere. That's actually how I met your grandma. You know, back then things were different than they are now. If a girl got pregnant then the boy who knocked her up was obligated to marry her."

"Oh my god, that's what happened with Uncle Bob?"

"Yes. I was stationed in Los Angeles for a while and met your grandma at the USO. We had a few dates, and when she found out, well, I did the honorable thing. We hardly knew each other, but I got lucky. She was a wonderful lady your grandma."

"I can't believe that's how you met grandma."

"That's not the point of the story, son. The point is you need to realize what the consequences can be for your behavior. I know the girls probably see you as the football and basketball star and they're probably pretty eager to get to know you, but if you don't curb that behavior, then you could end up in a position that changes your future. Do you think that you'd be able to just go off to college if you got some girl pregnant? You'd have to step up and be responsible Seeley, do you understand that?" The older man looked at his grandson hoping that the words were making sense to him. After a few moments of contemplation, the teenager nodded.

"Yeah, okay. I'll be careful."

"Good, and you'd better hope I never catch you at anything or I'll beat your hide hard enough to make your dad wince." The threat was delivered with a smile and friendly clap on the shoulder, but the point was made. Seeley gave a lop-sided grin, his face still an unbecoming shade of crimson. His grandfather's point was made and he swore to himself that he'd be much more careful in the future.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Just a quick little note…if you've never heard of 'Chariots of Fire' or at the very least have never heard the theme song, please google it. It's mention will be much funnier that way._

1990

It was the last seconds of the big game, and seventeen year old Seeley Booth dribbled down the basketball court, desperate to make the game winning shot. Two points would tie, but three would make the game. In his head, the theme song to 'Chariots of Fire' played through his head. Okay, so this wasn't 1924 and he wasn't a British runner, but still, the music fit. _Dum dum da da da dum dum, dum dum da da dum, dum dum da da dum dum, dum dum da da dum…_He pivoted around the defensive guard with only two seconds left and jumped. It was now or never and if he didn't shoot, he'd regret it. The ball rolled off of his fingers, soaring over the hands of the opposing team and sunk into the basket with nothing but net.

A loud cheer erupted in the gymnasium as his teammates surrounded him, slapping him on the shoulder and sharing hugs. He was the MVP of the game and they all knew it. Up in the bleachers, he caught his grandfather and brother jumping up and down, cheering him on, and surprisingly, his father was there too. He didn't smile or join in the celebratory mood, but his nodding head was enough to show his approval for his eldest son's approval. Could this night be any better?

He felt a pair of decidedly feminine arms wrap around him despite his sweat and stink. He was more surprised however when said hugging female planted a kiss on his lips.

"Seeley Booth, that was the most exciting game I've ever seen!" Ah, so that's who it was. Seeley looked down at the petite blonde and grinned as she smiled up at him.

"Thanks Becca, I live to serve you know." He glanced up at the bleachers once watching where his family went. He still needed to say hello and bask in the praise they were sure to offer in regards to his performance on the court.

"So, I was wondering, when we get back to the school, would it be possible to give me a ride home? I mean I know I could probably go with one of the other girls…"

"No, sure, I can do that," he responded. There was no way on earth he was going to give up the chance to make a move on the cutest cheerleader in school. "I'll uh meet you back there, but I have to go…you know." He motioned toward the locker room with his head and she nodded in understanding.

"Great, I'll see you then." She waved as he headed away from her, giggling a little when he almost tripped over his own feet. He was still looking back at her when he finally made his way over to his family.

"Oh my god Seeley, what an awesome game!" Seeley grinned at his brother as his grandfather slapped him on the back.

"I have to tell you, I didn't think you guys were going to win. That was quite the shot you got in there son."

"Thanks grandpa." He turned to his father as the older man placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You did good kid." The simple statement made Seeley's heart swell. He never got praise from his father; that was usually reserved for Jared.

"Thanks." He looked over his shoulder as his coach called for him. Seeley turned back to his family with a grin. "I have to go. I think everyone's going out when we get back, so I'll probably be out late."

"Just stay safe and be careful whatever you do," his grandfather said and the teenager nodded. He waved as he walked off, joining his coach and teammates on the way to the locker room. Yep, things were definitely going to be looking up from here.

XxXxX

Seeley headed home from school the following week on cloud nine. He was the school hero, and what's more, he'd had an awesome night with Becca. A grin spread over his face at thoughts of the night of the game. Oh yeah, definitely an awesome night. He pulled into the driveway of his grandfather's house, pausing when he noticed the strange car in the driveway. It certainly wasn't anyone in his family, and he didn't think they were supposed to have any company over. He grabbed his backpack from the passenger seat of his car and headed inside.

"Grandpa? What's going on?" Seeley dropped his backpack by the front door and stepped into the living room where his father and grandfather both sat with a stranger.

"Seeley, this is Howard Shoemaker from Penn State. He's here to speak to us about school." Seeley's heart pounded at the words. Someone from Penn State was here to see him?

"Seeley, it's a pleasure to meet you. I was at the game and I have to say, that was one hell of a performance you gave."

"Thank you sir."

"I spoke to the coach and the reason I'm here is that we'd like you to play for our school." Seeley stood next to the couch, dumbfounded.

"You want me?"

"Yes, we can use talent like you showed in that game. I just need to go over a few details with you and your family and we can get you in with a sports scholarship." Seeley's face lit up with a grin. This couldn't be happening. He was going to play for Penn State!

1992

Seeley sat at his desk, his head pounding and eyes drooping heavily as he looked over his notes for school. Finals were grueling, and he certainly was no whiz when it came to science. He'd never understood those kids that could dissect something for biology class and not get completely sick during the process. It just wasn't right.

God, he needed a break if he was going to do even passably on his history test. He got up and headed out of the dorm room to get something to eat, but just before the door shut, the phone began to ring. Glancing at the time, he groaned. Who would be calling him at midnight?

"Hello?"

"Yes, is this Seeley Booth?" Seeley frowned and sat down at his desk.

"That's me. What's going on?"

"This is Sergeant Lewis with the Philadelphia police department. I have a Jared Booth here and he said that you were his only contact currently." His shoulders slumped. What had Jared gotten himself into this time?

"Why is he at the police station?"

"We caught him out after curfew along with a few of his friends. He insisted that his parents were unavailable and that we call you to pick him up."

"Great, just great. Fine, I'll be there, but it's going to take a while. I'm in State College."

"That's fine, just get here when you can. Jared's not going anywhere in the meantime." Seeley hung up the phone and let out a string of curses. What the hell was Jared doing that he was out this late? And if he was just at a friend's house, then why didn't he just stay over until morning? It's not like they hadn't done that in the past, unless of course his brother was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be.

He grabbed his keys and left the dorms. It looked like he'd have to get some strong coffee for the drive if he was going to stay up. It was a good three hours back to Philly.

XxXxX

"Okay, you want to tell me what happened," Seeley asked when he finally picked up his brother. Jared looked embarrassed and turned away from his brother to look out of the window.

"I told dad that I was going over to Sam's to study, because there was this party and I knew that dad wouldn't let me go so…"

"Couldn't you just for once do what you're supposed to be doing and stay out of trouble? I swear to god if I fail my history final because of your dumb ass I'm gonna rip you a new one, you got it?"

"Jeez bro, it's not like I was drinking or anything."

"Don't give me that. Maybe grandpa lets things slide, but you know dad won't, and that's why you called me isn't it? You didn't want 'the lecture' so I was the safe option."

"I'm just asking a little favor, that's all."

"A little favor? I drove three hours to pick you up. That's not a little favor. You need to stop this because I'm not always going to be around to save your ass."

"Okay, I get it, I get it. I screwed up and you bailed me out. Save the lecture big brother." Seeley shot his younger brother a dirty look as he turned down their father's street. He didn't understand why his younger brother moved back after he'd left for college, but Jared was old enough to decide who he lived with.

The drive to their father's house didn't take long and Seeley waited around just long enough to make sure Jared got inside okay. He glanced at his watch and sighed. He had just enough time to get back to school before his final. So much for studying, he thought as he turned around and headed for the interstate. Hopefully nothing was on the test that he hadn't had a chance to look over, otherwise he was screwed.

He cursed his brother under his breath and sped up on the onramp to the interstate. He'd been looking after his brother for years now and he'd meant what he said. He wouldn't always be around to bail him out. He wasn't sure why his brother didn't call their grandfather, but whatever the reason, he knew who to turn to for protection. Seeley sighed and moved over one lane, so deep in thought that he didn't see the other car careening toward him until he heard the sickening crunch of metal and his thunderbird began to spin out of control.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: There's some military stuff mentioned in this chapter, and if it's totally off base, please let me know as I know not a whole heck of a lot about military stuff. This chapter's tone is a bit dark for the most part, but it does cover a fairly dark period of Booth's past. I hope it's not too tedious as there isn't much dialogue, but as always, please let me know what you think. Oh and bookwormlady, I'm getting there as fast as I can, okay? Just be patient and we'll make it back to that bridge._

1992

He hated it. Physically he could do fine and was excelling as he knew that he would do, but emotionally, he hated it. This was not where he'd planned to be with his life, not what he wanted to do but it was his only option now. The loss of his scholarship killed his chances to finish college, and he really needed to get the money somehow. He existed in that weird sort of monetary limbo where his father managed to make too much for him to qualify for financial aid, and yet they hardly had any for a really great life.

The car accident had messed up his shoulder and because of the damage, he'd been let out of his scholarship. He really didn't want to be in the army, but at least once basic training was over he could finish up college and get the degree he wanted in criminal justice. Until then, he could suck it up and deal with the basic training. He smirked slightly as he looked through the scope of his rifle. He'd give one thing to his old man. With all of the years he'd spent getting yelled at and the shit beat out of him, the drill instructors here wouldn't get a reaction out of him. He'd learned long ago that to show emotion was to show weakness to those that were trying to bring you down.

Pulling his mind back to the task at hand he took careful aim at the target and fired. It would be odd to most people, but he honestly felt that target practice was his own personal form of meditation. It gave him a focal point and to be accurate, had to clear his mind of all other thoughts. He certainly didn't want to be a soldier on the front lines, but he knew that he was the best shot of all the recruits going through basic with him. There was an option he was considering, and since he'd come in with some college under his belt, he'd be graduating as an E3, higher than anyone else. If he had to be in the army, then he was going to be the best. He would make it into Ranger school.

He knew what being a Ranger entailed. Hell, he'd grown up with the stories his grandfather told about the raid at Cabanatuan. That was the real reason he'd chosen the army. It wasn't because of his dad's run in Vietnam; it was because of his grandfather. He was going to make his grandfather proud and show everyone that he could be the best at something. He'd been the best basketball player at his high school, and one of the best in college. He cleared his mind again. Thoughts would only interfere with his targeting. Time to shut everything out and concentrate. He had to graduate from boot camp top of his class and go onto Ranger School. He would be an elite soldier, and he'd be one of the best too. No one was going to stop him from doing that, and certainly not himself. All he had to do was keep his nose clean and work hard and he'd get exactly what he wanted.

October 1993

He was positioned on a rooftop in Mogadishu looking through the scope of his rifle. He wasn't supposed to be here, hell none of them were, but he and his spotter had been sent in to rescue their fellow Rangers. This was a mess they didn't want to be in, but the United States was supposed to help promote peace and if that meant taking out tyrants, then so be it. He shifted slightly as his spotter settled down from the window.

"Wind?"

"Nothing man. I've never seen air so calm." Booth nodded and repositioned slightly. It was his job to take out the general and he knew he could do it regardless of the chaos in the street below. In the distance there was an explosion. Both men jumped slightly at the sound before another more ominous sound drew their attention. From behind the snick of a safety being released raised the hair on the backs of their necks.

"Shit." Seeley and his spotter turned around slowly, hands raised to look at the two Somali soldiers pointing rifles at them. They shouted something at him, but he didn't know what was being said. This couldn't be happening was the only thought running through his head. He had a month to go to twenty one and his life just couldn't end this way. Again the Somali soldiers yelled and indicated they stand with a motion of their rifles. Seeley evaluated their body language and felt that maybe they had a chance to escape. If he could just knock the closer man down, then his buddy could grab his gun and maybe take out the second. His mind made up, he began to stand.

Slowly he came to his feet and in the moment that the soldiers thought he and his buddy would comply, he made his move, knocking down the closest man. His buddy made to grab the rifle, but didn't get there fast enough. Booth threw himself to the ground, covering his buddy even as he reached for his own rifle. He had to get them out of there. His buddy made a gurgling sound and Seeley took a brief moment to look at his friend. It was too late to save him. Blood gushed from a wound in his friend's neck. Before he could react, the butt of a rifle caught him in the head and everything went black.

XxXxX

This couldn't be real. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. He was supposed to go out on his mission, complete it and get back to base in one piece. Now though, his buddy was dead and he was tied to a chair while someone yelled at him in Arabic. He had no idea what was being said, but knew his silence pissed off his captors when they slammed the metal pipe into the soles of his feet.

Seeley clenched his eyes shut and grimaced, but he was not going to give them the satisfaction of hearing him scream out in pain. He was a Ranger damn it, and it was his duty not to give up anything. If he had to die here, like this, then so be it, but he was not going to cry out. The yelling and beating continued, for how long he wasn't sure until finally he was dragged back to a small, windowless room and dropped on the dirt floor. He closed his eyes when the door was shut and locked, and he knew he was on his own again. He willed away the tears that were gathering, the ones he'd fought off so far and took a deep breath. His feet throbbed in pain and he knew that probably every bone in them was broken.

St. Christopher, Seeley prayed with all his might, please protect me and let me live through this. This can't be the way I was meant to go. You protect travelers, and while I'm here and away from home, please keep me safe. I just want to go home. Please.

He gave into the overwhelming exhaustion and fell asleep despite the painful throbbing of his feet. As he drifted off, he felt at peace, as though he was being watched over, and his protector would keep him from harm until he at least woke up from his slumber.

When he woke up, it was to a commotion somewhere beyond the confines of his locked room. He grimaced as he tried to sit up. Everything in him hurt. His ribcage felt as though someone was pulling on either side of it, trying to break it apart, and his feet felt like they were going to fall off at the ankles. He tried wiggling his toes, but cried out in pain for the first time with the effort. Yeah, they were definitely out of commission for a while.

The door to the room flew open, and Seeley scrambled backwards in surprise. His surprise turned to relief however when he heard the man there speak.

"Corporal Seeley Booth?" Oh thank you, thank you, thank you was all that ran through his head as he gave a terse nod of his head, his words failing him. The other soldier smiled and returned a brief nod. "We've come to take you home."

1995

Sergeant Seeley Booth stood in front of St. John's Parish in Medjugorje staring at the church as he held a rosary in hand. He felt tainted, and constantly looked over his shoulder as though someone was following him. He was here for a reason, and needed to feel absolution for the life he'd taken. His hand tightened around the rosary as he made his way to a grassy hillside to sit.

Despite the danger that the waning war produced, the small parish was teeming with visitors, all looking for a miracle of their own. This place was alleged to have miracles of the sun and visions of the Virgin Mary attached to it, and he so desperately needed to experience something, anything that would remove the taint from his soul. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could see that six year old boy covered in his father's blood. He'd destroyed a family with one single shot. He destroyed that little boy's life because he was told to shoot his father through the head. He had killed.

As he sat on the grass, Seeley crossed himself and began to speak quietly. "I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth; and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord; Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended into hell; the third day He arose again from the dead. He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of Saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting. Amen." His fingers began to move over the rounded beads of the rosary. Maybe, just maybe he could pray hard enough and long enough to find the forgiveness he needed for destroying that child's life.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. Amen." Forgive us our trespasses… how could God consider forgiving him for all of the lives he'd taken in the past three years? How could he forgive him for the lives he'd yet to take? He was in the United States Army, and if they told him to kill, he was duty bound to do so. His heart ached at the thought of taking another life. He wished he'd never have to do it again.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." He continued, the smooth beads moving under his fingers as he sat on the hillside, eyes heavenward waiting for a sign that he would be forgiven for his transgressions. Others that day saw the miracle of the sun as the orb danced and winked in the sky. Some saw manifestations in the clouds, proof to them that Jesus was with them and miracles do happen, but on that day, he didn't get his miracle. The only thing he came away with was a heavy heart and the burden of guilt on his soul.


	6. Chapter 6

1996

"Huh, I always pegged you as a military lifer," Camille Saroyan said as she looked across the table at her friend. "What made you decide to leave?"

"I only did it for the college money and I had a four year obligation, so…" Seeley Booth shrugged and took a swig of his beer. In actuality he could name several reasons why he didn't want to be military any longer; top on the list were the deaths and injuries of friends that occurred on his watch. When Hank was hit with that bullet… he swallowed and pushed the memory back where it belonged, in the locked recesses of his mind.

"Huh, somehow I don't think I believe that." He didn't like it when Camille looked at him that way. He knew that if there was anyone on earth that could read him like a book, it was her. Mercifully, she let the subject drop and changed it after a sip of her red wine. "So what are you going to be doing now that you aren't serving our country?"

"I'll be serving our country." He smiled at the look of confusion on her face. "I've joined the FBI. I go to Quantico and start training next week." Camille smiled and gave a small nod. It would figure he would go into a field like that. It fit with his college major after all.

"So that's what you're doing here in Virginia. Well I admit it'll be nice to see more of you."

"Yeah, but only once I'm done with the training course. I won't be able to get out much until that's over."

"That's probably a good thing though. It'll let you focus on your new career." She didn't voice the rest of her concern that it would also keep him from the gambling habit he'd picked up of late. She'd voiced her concern of his growing habit after his return from Kosovo and Bosnia, and it had earned her the silent treatment for a few weeks.

"Yeah well I'm going to celebrate with some of the guys in Atlantic City this weekend, sort of a going away bash. You want to come?" She just looked at him and sighed.

"No, I can't. Besides you know how I feel about your trips to Jersey." And instantly the wall went up. God he was frustrating. As much as she generally knew what he was thinking there were times when he shut her out as completely as everyone else. Time to change gears or risk a ruined evening. "Anyway Andrew and I are going out on Saturday and I really don't want to cancel on him."

"How's that going by the way? You seem to be getting all hot and heavy with him." Camille smiled as she thought of her boyfriend. He was a doctor at the hospital she was interning at.

"He's a wonderful man, and a great father. His little girl is such a sweetheart."

"Look at you getting all domestic. So marriage and kids coming in your future?" She blushed a little at his comment. Seeley's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Okay I was joking but you've obviously given it some thought."

"He doesn't let just anyone meet his daughter. I think he's the one Seeley, I really do."

"Well good for you. You deserve someone good in your life."

"So do you big guy. I can't tell you how great it is to feel this way about someone. Have you ever been in love?" Seeley just shook his head, a bemused smile on his face.

"Nah. It'll take a lot to chain me down."

"Whatever you say Casanova." Camille raised her glass in a toast. "Here's to love. May the love of my life work out and may you find the woman who can tame your wayward heart."

1999

Seeley grumbled his way over to the door of his small one bedroom apartment. Whoever it was that was knocking at this hour had better have a good reason for being there, he thought as he swung the door open. His sarcastic "What?" was held in when he was greeted by the tear stained face of his friend.

"Cam, what's happened?" He stepped aside and let her into the apartment. She didn't say anything as she made her way to his couch and sat down, putting her head to rest heavily in her hands.

"I couldn't handle it anymore." Booth sat down next to her and offered her a tissue, which she took gratefully.

"What can't you handle?"

"I left Andrew. He was cheating on me, and I just couldn't take it anymore." Booth pulled her into a hug and held her as she openly wept onto his shoulder. Camille was one tough cookie, and rarely let her emotions get the best of her, but obviously tonight had been just a little too much.

"How long has this been going on?"

"I'm not sure, but I think for most of the past two years."

"That bastard's been seeing someone on the side for as long as you've been engaged?"

"Seeley please, this hurts bad enough right now. I don't need you going over there and beating the shit out of him."

"He shouldn't have done that Cam. You're too good to be treated that way." Camille sighed and pulled away from her friend, sniffling a little as she tried to compose herself. This was why she'd come to him instead of anyone else.

"I just don't think he ever got over the death of his wife. He loved her so much and he just can't seem to commit."

"That's bullshit and I think you know it. He's lived with you the past two years; I mean hell, you've been raising his kid. That's a commitment. If he's just unwilling to give up playing the field..." Booth growled at the thought. He might have been a bit of a player when he was younger, but he never saw more than one girl at a time. That was just wrong on so many levels.

"I just… I don't know what to do right now. I don't like feeling this lost."

"Well you're in no condition to go home right now, so why don't you just stay the night and we'll figure everything out in the morning." Camille's eyes widened. He wasn't suggesting what she thought he was, was he?

"I did not come here for pity sex…"

"And I wasn't suggesting it. Jesus Camille, what the hell type of person do you think I am? I just meant that maybe you should stay here because you're in no state to be going anywhere else. You can stay here until you figure out where you're going to do because I'm assuming you aren't going back to Andrew's house." Jesus, she hadn't thought that far. Camille nodded her agreement and sagged back onto the couch. She felt so drained.

"We'll figure everything out Cam, I promise. Everything will get better with time." Cam just nodded and leaned into her friend's side. Maybe it was time to look into a change in scenery. Maybe she just needed to get out of D.C. for a while. A position was opening up in New York for a state coroner, maybe that would be the opportunity she needed. It was too much to think about now however, and she just wanted to sleep.

Booth held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back until she fell asleep, the worry lines between her eyes still there. Poor thing, he thought as he gently arranged her on the couch and covered her up. Maybe things would look better in the morning; they'd just have to see.

December 31st, 1999

"Why did I agree to come here," Booth groused as he followed his girlfriend up the stairs to a New Year's Eve Party. He'd planned on spending the evening with just the two of them probably naked and having their own special celebration, and instead he was here, surrounded by doctors and lawyers who always managed to talk about things he didn't understand, nor was he interested in. His girlfriend simply shook her head at his whining tone.

"You're here because I asked you to come and you're too chivalrous to say no to a woman."

"That's not true Cam, I say no to women all the time."

"Hey, flirty invitations don't count. You're too much of a gentleman to cheat anyway." She kissed him and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. She could tell that he wasn't done grousing though.

"But this isn't what I had in mind for the evening. I thought it could be just the two of us celebrating in our own special way."

"Well as appealing as that sounds, I did accept this invitation long before you made any suggestions for the evening, so obligations win out. Now stop whining and at least pretend you're having fun, okay?"

"Fine, but only because I'm doing this for you," he grumbled. He wasn't going to give up the fight that easily.

"And I'll show you how much I appreciate it later on tonight." Cam kissed him again just as the door opened and the pair entered the rather sophisticated party. Booth followed his girlfriend around dutifully as she made the rounds and introductions. He did what he said he would and pretended to enjoy the conversation, but really there were only so many inside medical jokes he could take.

As it closed in on eleven, he drifted from her side and found an empty seat. He could be charming and witty when he wanted, and he certainly knew how to turn on the charm, but this wasn't his idea of fun by a long shot. He sipped on his whiskey sour and looked around at the swanky surrounding and all of the partygoers dressed to the nines. It all seemed so fake to him. Give him a backyard barbeque with a pool and lawn darts and he'd have a much better time than this.

"Oh my god, Seeley Booth is that you?" Booth looked up at the sound of his name and smiled in surprise at the gorgeous young woman standing before him.

"Becca Stinson?" She nodded and he stood to give her a hug. "Jesus, it's been what, almost ten years?"

"Just about ten, yeah. What are you doing here? I would have thought you'd be some basketball superstar by now."

"Things change. I'm actually in the FBI. What about you? How'd you end up in DC?" He couldn't get over it. The last time he saw her was when he was leaving for college. Even though he'd only been three hours away, the distance proved too much for the younger girl and their brief relationship was over before it had even reached a year.

"I went to school at Georgetown. It's so good to see you; you look as good as I remember."

"You've definitely blossomed." She blushed a little under his words. Always the charmer.

"So what are you doing here? You don't seem the doctor or lawyer type."

"Oh, I'm here with my girlfriend. What about you? Same thing?"

"Not quite, although I seem to remember someone trying to push me toward that sort of thing." She gave him a pointed stare. At least he had the decency to look embarrassed. "I'm here with a friend of mine. She talked me into coming, although I really hate these types of parties."

"So you're single?" He couldn't believe he was asking the question. It's not like he'd cheat on Cam or anything, but man did it sound that way to him.

"Yes, I'm currently between relationships. Haven't quite found the one yet."

"Eh, give it time and you'll find the right guy in no time." He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Cam standing there, looking curiously at Rebecca.

"You look like you're having a bit more fun Seeley," she said as he slid his hand into place at the small of her back. She reached out a hand to Rebecca and smiled as the petite blonde shook it. "I'm Camille, and you are?"

"Rebecca. I'm an old friend of Seeley's."

"I certainly hope you don't mind me dragging him away, but it is almost midnight…" She left the rest of the sentence unsaid. There were certain traditions that needed attending to after all.

"Not at all, I completely understand. Seeley, you keep in touch now that I know you're here. Don't let another ten years go by, okay?" She smiled at him and left the pair alone. Cam watched as she left and couldn't help but feel that things were about to change in her relationship with Seeley. Lord knows she knew the look of interest when she saw it, and knew a breakup wouldn't be far behind.

As they headed for the great room, Cam pushed the thought out of her mind. Her relationship with Seeley was better as friends anyway, and they had started dating within a month of her breakup with Andrew. He deserved better than to be a rebound man, and if he did choose to pursue something with this new woman, then maybe just remaining friends wouldn't be a bad thing. Only time would tell, but she was sure that the time was going to come much sooner than later.


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: Okay this is so the death nell of a chapter. Not only am I posting on a weekend, but I'm posting on a holiday, so to all you Americans out there, Happy Independence Day. To everyone else, I hope you enjoy this update, and while I don't beg for reviews, I would like to know what you think, so please tell me. Anyway, enough of that. It's time we get on with the show._

November 2000

Booth held Rebecca in his arms as she slept. He pressed a kiss into her hair and ran his fingers through the blonde locks as she snuggled closer to him. The past months had been incredible and he felt his heart swell at the emotions swirling through him. He loved Rebecca, and couldn't believe how close they'd gotten in the past months. She stirred in his arms and blinked sleepily at him.

"What are you still doing up?"

"I was just thinking, that's all."

"Oh? And what are you thinking about?" Rebecca sat up and looked at her boyfriend. Booth leaned over and kissed her on the lips, his fingers buried deeper into her hair.

"What do you think," he murmured against her lips. She let out a small giggle and maneuvered so that she was sitting on his lap. "Rebecca, I was wondering," he said and paused until he was sure he had her full attention.

"You were wondering what?"

"It's just, these last months have been great and I was kind of hoping that maybe we could move in together." She stared at him a moment as he ran his hands gently up and down her sides. It wasn't a sexual move, but one of comfort.

"Why do you think we should live together?" His hands stilled as he looked into her eyes. She didn't look angry, so he didn't think she was going to reject him, but there was uncertainty there.

"We spend almost every night together as it is, and I don't see why we need to pay two different rents when one would be okay. I'm not saying that we have to spend every waking moment together or anything, but you know…"

"I don't know. I mean I want to go back to school and get my master's degree…"

"But see, it would help." Booth was desperate now. He loved Rebecca and wanted to be with her much more than he was. "I mean it would save us money, you could go to school, and we could spend our nights together…"

"Seeley," Rebecca sighed and looked into his eyes. There was a desperation there that she'd never seen before as if rejection would drive him over an edge. He was just getting over his gambling addiction, had started going to meetings, but maybe he was closer to that razor's edge than she thought. "Okay, fine. I guess we can do that."

Booth's face lit up and he pulled her to him for a kiss. He thought for sure that she was going to turn him down and didn't want to think about what that would mean about their relationship. He thought they were good together, and she made him feel more balanced than anyone ever had. Booth held onto her as he deepened the kiss and rolled so that she was underneath him. Now that they were moving to a new phase in their relationship, he wanted to show her exactly how much she meant to him.

February 2001

"Seeley, I'm home," Rebecca called out as she came in the front door. It was seven o'clock and she'd meant to be home hours earlier, but work had been a bitch and she'd had to stay later than intended. All she wanted to do was get into a hot bath and maybe relax with a trashy romance novel.

That wasn't going to happen however. She felt terrible about her current lack of enthusiasm, but it was their one year anniversary and she knew Seeley well enough to know that he had something up his sleeve for the evening. Honestly, she did want to celebrate the night with him, but wished that they could put it off until tomorrow. She was just so tired.

"Baby, where are you," she called out with a frown. Was he home? He should be. His car was in the garage after all.

"Back here," she heard him call from the bedroom. Rebecca took off her coat and set her briefcase down by the front door to make her way back. When she got to the room however, he wasn't in there. With a frown, she looked around the room until she noticed the bathroom door was cracked open.

"Seeley, are you in here," she asked as she pushed open the bathroom door. What she saw made her gasp. There were small tea lights everywhere, and the claw foot tub was filled with a steaming bubble bath while flower petals strewn the floor. "Oh my god."

"Happy Anniversary Becca," he murmured as he stepped up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder as she looked over the room. Turning in his arms, she opened her mouth to ask a question but couldn't get the words out. "I knew you would be tired, so I thought you might like to take a bath and relax."

"You are wonderful," she said when she finally found her voice. She wrapped her own arms around his neck and kissed him. "Did anyone ever tell you what a perfect boyfriend you are?"

"Hmm, I don't recall hearing that much, but maybe you can show me just how perfect I am once you've had a chance to relax."

"Why don't you join me in the tub and I can do both at the same time?" A wicked gleam came to her eyes as she reached up to unbutton his shirt.

"I think I could handle that." They undressed each other, kissing what they exposed until both were naked. Rebecca took his hand and led him over to the tub, waiting for him to sit before she joined him, leaning back into his chest as the warm water relaxed her tired muscles. Oh yeah, this was the way to spend an anniversary, she thought as he placed gentle kisses on her neck and shoulders before his hands wandered south. After all, who wouldn't want to spend the evening with a good looking man in a bubble bath while he made love to you?

March 2001

"Becs? Hey, where are you," Seeley called when he came into the apartment. She'd been hysterical when she'd called him earlier and he'd rushed home from work to find out what was wrong. A quick look around told him that she wasn't in the living room or kitchen, so he headed toward the back of the apartment and their bedroom. When he reached his destination, his heart ached at what he saw. Rebecca sat on the edge of the bed with her hands wrapped around her middle, a look of confusion and a little fear on her face. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I'm late Seeley. I think I might be…" She trailed off and looked away from him, her arms tightening around her middle. He immediately approached the bed and drew her into his arms. Booth kissed the side of her head as he drew comforting circles on her back.

"You're scared?" She nodded against him as she relaxed a bit into his arms.

"I don't know if I'm scared because I might be pregnant, or might not."

"Did you get a test?" He felt her nod again against his shoulder and he pulled back to look at her face. She seemed so scared and innocent in that moment and he wanted to do nothing more than take her fears away. "Why don't you go and do what you have to do and I'll be here when you're done. We can find out together."

Rebecca moved from his arms, wiping at the escaped tears and headed for the bathroom. Booth watched as the door shut behind her, his heart pounding. Ever since he'd asked her to move in with him, the thought of them having a family together was foremost on his mind. He loved her and it didn't surprise him at all that the thought of marriage seemed so natural.

He looked up from his musings as she came back out of the bathroom, stick in hand. She looked incredibly ill at ease, so Booth held out his hand and pulled her into his side as they waited silently for the results of the test. This moment, regardless of the fact that they were both nervous as hell, felt so right to him. Who wouldn't be nervous as they waited to see whether or not they were going to be parents? Wow, in just a couple of minutes, he'd find out if he was going to be a father or not. One thing for sure didn't matter. He wanted Rebecca to have and to hold, for better or for worse.

"Becca…" He began to speak, but stopped as her breath hitched. He looked down at the test where a small blue plus sign was visible in the little indicator window.

"It's positive," she murmured before looking up into his eyes. Booth leaned in and kissed her. They were going to be parents. They, the two of them, were going to have a child together, and there was only one thing that could possibly make things better.

"Marry me Becca." She looked at him, eyes wide in shock.

"What?"

"I love you so much and I think we should get married." For a moment, she stared at him, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to think of something, anything to say. Seeley held his breath as he waited for her answer, though the longer the silence went on, the more worried he became.

"I can't." Now it was his turn to stare in shock. What did she mean she couldn't? They loved each other. Hell, they even lived together and now were going to have a child together. Why wouldn't they get married?

"I don't…what?" He searched her face, trying to get some kind of read on what she was feeling.

"I can't just jump into marriage because you want to do the right thing."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I need you to support me. I'm not some barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen type and you know it. I have plans for my future like getting my master's degree."

"I wasn't asking you because I feel obligated…"

"Oh please," she interrupted, standing abruptly and moving away from him. Booth watched her, completely stunned at the amount of distance she insisted on putting between them. "Why else would you ask me right now? You feel obligated to ask because I'm pregnant and it's the noble thing to do. Well you know what? I can do just fine on my own. I don't need you in my life."

"You don't… are you breaking up with me?" His mind reeled at the unexpected turn in conversation. He thought things were great between them, especially after their anniversary celebration last month.

"I don't need you Seeley; I'm not your obligation."

"I never said you were." Booth stood and strode to where Rebecca was standing. He looked at her, unsettled by the closed off expression she wore. "What's going on here Becs? I've never seen you overreact like this before."

"Just get away from me Seeley. I can't be near you right now." It hurt him, but he nodded and left the room quietly. He'd give her the time she needed to calm down and then they could talk because he just couldn't imagine that this would be how they would end things. This couldn't be it, not when everything was going in the right direction.

November 2001

"G-Man, you need to quit coming in here with that mopey look on your face. You're scaring off the ladies." Sid wiped down the bar as he watched one of his favorite patrons brood over a beer. Seeley looked up at the bartender, the frown deepening on his face.

"I thought you guys were supposed to give advice, not insult your customers."

"Who said anything about insults? I'm stating the truth man. Look, it's been months since your split and I get that you're still upset, but you need to move on. Your thing with Rebecca just wasn't meant to be."

"Eh, it's not like anyone's even interested, so who cares? I still think I can make things work." Booth took a drink of his beer and set the glass back on the table before popping a couple of peanuts into his mouth.

"Little miss sexy over there seems pretty interested," Sid commented as he indicated a blonde sitting at a booth not far from the bar. Booth turned to look at her, making eye contact for a moment and watching her smile at him before she turned away. It actually felt…nice to have someone interested in him, even if he wasn't quite ready to jump in saddle again.

He opened his mouth to retort, but stopped as his phone rang. He really didn't want to talk to anyone, but if it was work, then he'd need to get his ass over there as soon as possible.

"Booth."

"Seeley, it's Becca." Well, he thought. That was unexpected. He instantly sat up straighter on the barstool. "I need you to get me to the hospital."

"Okay… Oh! Oh, sure, I'll be right over. Are you… will you be okay until I get there?"

"Yes, but I need to get there so could you please hurry?"

"I'll, yeah absolutely, I'll be right over." With that, he ended the call and threw down a few bills onto the counter. Sid just raised an eyebrow as Booth hurried from the restaurant. Must be show time, he thought and quickly gathered the cash.

XxXxX

"Okay Rebecca, I need you to push when you feel the contraction. Make sure you push with your abdomen, bear down just like that. You're doing great." Seeley sat at Rebecca's side as she groaned. Her labor went remarkably fast, and by the time they'd got to the hospital, she was already eight centimeters. They were rushed into a room and within the next hour, were ready to go.

"Once more Rebecca, the head's right there. Dad, do you want to see?" The doctor looked over at Booth, who for a moment wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to see their child though, and rounded the bed at Rebecca's small nod before she began to push again. He watched in awe as the tiny baby emerged out of something that by rights should not be able to pass anything that big out of it, tears gathering in his eyes.

"Congratulations," the doctor said, quickly laying the tiny baby onto Rebecca's chest. "It's a boy!" Seeley was ecstatic. He had a son. He was a father, and had a little baby boy. As his gaze met Rebecca's, they held for a long moment and she smiled.

"What do you want to call him," she asked him as the nurses took the little boy away to get weighed, measured and cleaned up. Booth was thunderstruck. She wanted him to pick out the name? He glanced over at the baby, knowing that it was his duty to protect him from harm, just like all the times he'd had to protect others, and only one name seemed to fit. There was someone he'd failed, and maybe this would make it just a little more…right.

"Parker. Let's call him Parker."


	8. Chapter 8

June 2004

"Booth, in my office now," Deputy Director Sam Cullen barked at the agent as he headed toward his office for the day. Seeley let out a sigh as he followed his boss to his office, wondering what the hell he could have done to get such an unpleasant greeting at eight thirty in the morning. He was on time, he'd just closed a case, although granted there were still some missing persons cases he'd yet to make progress on, but still.

"Yes sir, what is it," Booth asked as Cullen motioned for him to sit down. Once the special agent was seated, Cullen tossed a file over to him.

"A body was discovered last night that is proving to be difficult to identify. We have the remains in our morgue, but there's just no way for us to find a positive id."

"Okay, so what do you want me to do about it?" Seeley opened the file and scanned over the information inside of it.

"I need you to go to the Jeffersonian Institute and speak with Dr. Daniel Goodman about loaning us the use of his forensic anthropologist."

"You want a squint involved in this?" Booth frowned. He hated working with scientists, and could never understand what the hell they were talking about, or why they were so interested in that crap in the first place.

"We don't have a choice. We don't have anything to help us with the case, and their bone doctor can hopefully give us something to work with."

"I thought that Johnson worked with the outside contractors."

"He does."

"So why in the hell isn't he the one working this case?"

"He refuses to work with this particular squint again, something about a superiority complex. I expect you'll have better results." Obviously the conversation was closed. Booth sighed again as he glanced back at the file. It couldn't be that bad could it? The guy was probably some crusty old fart who thought he was better than everyone else, spouting off about his degrees and whatnot.

He got up from his seat and left Cullen's office to head over to the prestigious museum. All he had to do was get this bone doctor to come to the morgue and take a look at the bones, and then he could go. The FBI would have their information and he could move on with the case no problem. With a nod of his head, he got on the elevator to head to the museum. The sooner he spoke with Dr. Goodman, the sooner he could get this over with.

XxXxX

Seeley walked into the medico-legal lab of the Jeffersonian Institute accompanied by a security guard. He was a bit rankled that as an FBI agent, he wasn't trusted to make his way around Deep Space Nine on his own. He had no interest in anything that went on here other than commissioning the damned scientist to look at the remains of his victim.

"Dr. Goodman's office is this way sir," the security guard said and led him past the examination platform that took up the center of the large room. Booth glanced up at the platform for a moment, disliking the way that it felt, so cold and sterile with all of that stainless steel. Who could work in an environment like that?

His attention was brought back to his path as he bumped into something. Surprised, he looked to see a woman with her auburn hair pulled back into a ponytail bending to pick up a stack of papers she'd dropped when he'd run into her.

"Oh geez, I'm sorry. Here, let me help you with that," Booth said as he knelt down to assist her. She looked up at him in annoyance, but stopped when her eyes locked with his. Booth sucked in a breath as he took in her icy blue eyes. God they were gorgeous.

"That won't be necessary." He flinched at her tone. Okay, so apparently an icy attitude went with the ice in her gaze.

"I was only trying to…"

"If you'd been paying attention to where you were going, then my dropping these files wouldn't have occurred in the first place. You've caused quite enough trouble as it is." With that, it was quite obvious that she was dismissing him. Seeley frowned, but moved away to continue on to Dr. Goodman's office. He glanced back once to see a rather excited brunette hurry over to the disgruntled woman, excitement oozing from her pores.

"Oh my god sweetie, who was that hunk of salty goodness?" Booth chuckled at the phrase as he rounded a corner, cutting him off from the rest of the conversation. As he was led into Dr. Goodman's office, he wondered for a moment if the ice queen was really as cold as she seemed, or if it was just him that elicited that response.

"Sir, there's a Seeley Booth here to see you," the security guard said and Booth turned his attention onto the administrator of the Jeffersonian. Whatever he was expecting Dr. Daniel Goodman to look like; this man certainly didn't fit the bill.

"Ah, Agent Booth please have a seat. Director Cullen mentioned that I should expect you." The administrator motioned to a chair and offered Booth his full attention as the agent sat down across from him. "To what do I owe this visit?"

"Some remains were discovered last night in the basement of a government building. We aren't sure how they got there, and there's not enough for us to make an id on the victim. I understand that someone at this institute might be able to help us make an identification?"

"Ah yes, Dr. Brennan. Are the remains to be shipped her to the forensics lab?"

"No. They're in the morgue at the bureau. I just need Dr. Brennan to give me something to work with."

"Normally we like to handle remains identification here, but I'm sure we can make an exception." Goodman picked up his phone and dialed a number. After it was answered and the request for Dr. Brennan's presence was made, he hung the phone back up. It was only a moment before voices were heard in the hallway outside of the office.

"I'm telling you Bren, you have no idea what you missed in Italy. I still don't know why you wanted to go to El Salvador instead."

"Ange, when I'm called in to help identify remains in Italy, then I'll go. As it is, my assistance was needed elsewhere." Booth glanced at the door to the office as the ice queen stepped inside. She glanced at him once, but dismissed his presence almost immediately. "Dr. Goodman, did you need something?"

"Yes, please have a seat Dr. Brennan." She did as was asked, glancing again at Booth, but not saying a word. Dr. Goodman folded his hands across his desk and looked at her for a moment before speaking.

"The FBI has requested your assistance in identifying a set of remains."

"When will they be brought here?" Booth snorted. Wasn't she aware of normal protocol?

"They aren't being sent to our facility Dr. Brennan. You'll be heading over to the J. Edgar Hoover Building with Agent Booth here to examine them."

"Sir, you know that unless I'm on a dig or remains recovery from a site I do all of my work from the lab."

"Well in this case you'll be going with Agent Booth and examining them elsewhere." She frowned. Obviously she was used to getting her way.

"I'm a doctor of forensic anthropology, not an FBI lackey. I'm not doing the exam unless the remains are brought here." It was Booth's turn to snort.

"Yeah, thanks for that Bones, but the body is staying with the FBI. You'll just have to deal."

"What did you call me?" Oh, if her eyes could have become any icier…

"Bones. You know, like in Star Trek."

"I don't understand the reference." Booth gaped at the young doctor. Everyone knew who Bones was, how could she not?

Present Day

Booth chuckled sadly as he thought back to the day he first met his partner. He pulled his coat tighter around him and looked back down at the water. In the years since they'd first met they'd learned so much about each other and grown closer than he ever could have imagined. In fact, everything had been going great between them until recently.

Actually that's when all of the crap in his life started, and it all had to do with that damn brain tumor. He was out of work with reduced pay, bills were going unpaid… He shook his head as his mind wandered to more recent events and what brought him to this bridge over the Potomac in the first place.

_AN: Looks like we're finally getting to the crux of the problem right? What afterall, could possibly be so bad that it would make Booth want to end it all? Stick around to find out. In the meantime, please let me know what you think._


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Okay, this chapter had me in tears a few times as I wrote it, though I'm not sure if that had more to do with pregnancy hormones or if it's really tear worthy. I'll let you be the judge of that. Please let me know what you think of this chapter and whether or not you feel if Booth was in character. It's difficult to write when someone finally breaks and I hope that I was able to capture him, and that this didn't turn out too overly dramatic._

Christmas Eve 2009

"Look," Booth said to the customer service representative on the phone, "I know that my payment is late, but I'm asking you, in the spirit of giving, can you please not turn off the gas?"

"Mr. Booth, it says here that your payments have been chronically late for the last few months. You were granted an extension on payment time before, but I'm afraid I can't do that again."

"Please. Look, I'm supposed to have my son tonight and it's snowing and it won't be warm enough. I've been on an extended medical leave and I'm not making as much pay, but as you can see, I've always made the payments. I just need a few more days."

"Regardless, we've already assisted you more times than we had to, so again, I'm sorry but my hands are tied here."

"What the hell am I supposed to do then? I can't have him over if it's going to be freezing in this apartment."

"You should have thought of that before you didn't pay your bill Mr. Booth." If the asshole said anything else, Booth didn't wait around to find out. He flipped shut his cell phone and threw it against the wall. At least he hadn't lost that service yet. He flopped down onto his couch and leaned his head back before closing his eyes. Some holiday season this was turning out to be. No thanks to his medical leave, he'd quickly run out of money and currently was struggling to keep on top of his bills.

The situation was getting so bad that he hadn't been able to get Parker anything for the holiday, and was just praying that his land lord decided to show a little mercy and accepted the fact that his rent was a little bit late. Now he just needed to figure out what to do about Parker. He wanted to see his son, but seriously, if it was cold here, he didn't want his son to stay the night. It wasn't fair to Parker especially with the fact that Christmas was already ruined due to his own inability to pay for basic necessities.

A ticking sound emanated from his heater, and it just kept clicking. Booth groaned and pulled himself up off of the couch. Jesus, those guys didn't play around, did they? He made his way to the thermostat and flipped it off to stop the ticking sound. Booth blew out a breath and made his way over to a small table by his front door and picked up his keys. He needed to talk to Rebecca about the situation and see if for once she would let him have Christmas Day with his son instead of tonight. The delay would at least give him time to figure out what to do about holiday arrangements, although he was fairly certain that his partner and her family would allow them to join in however they were celebrating. With one last sigh, Booth left the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

The drive to Rebecca's didn't take long, but as he parked, Booth found himself unwilling to get out of the car. The last thing he wanted was to upset Parker, and he wasn't entirely sure if canceling would be a good thing. Maybe there was somewhere else they could stay for the night, somewhere that would be warm. Once he finally realized that he couldn't delay the inevitable any longer, Booth got out of his Sequoia and made his way to the front door.

The fact that the house was decorated so merrily really bothered him as he wasn't able to do Christmas this year. With a depressed sigh, he knocked on the front door, ignoring the merry little elf statue on the front stoop. It's overly cheery smile seemed to be mocking him and his situation, and Booth found that he had to suppress the urge to kick over the little figurine.

"Seeley, I wasn't expecting you for another couple of hours. You should have called first. Brent's out with Parker, but they should be back soon," Rebecca said as she swung open her front door. She paused though when she saw the look on his face. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah Becs, I was wondering if maybe we could switch days just this one time." Booth watched as his ex adopted a closed off expression.

"You know we're going out of town to visit my mother tomorrow."

"I know, but it's just that something came up and…"

"No, absolutely not. We've had these plans for over a month, you know that. Parker's looking forward to seeing his grandmother."

"Look, I understand that you've had these plans, but it would really help me out if I could see him tomorrow instead." The closed off expression on Rebecca's face quickly turned into one of anger. Neither noticed that Brent pulled into the driveway as they continued their face-off.

"What the hell is so important that you'd ruin his trip because you can't take him tonight? It's work, isn't it? Something's come up and you have to cancel again."

"It's not work, okay? You know I'm still out. It's just, there's a problem at my place and…"

"Seeley, you either take him tonight or you don't see him at all, you got that? I'm tired of you having to disappoint him for one reason or another, and I will not let you cancel your visit."

"Jesus, I'm not trying to cancel, just…" Booth blew out a breath and rubbed a hand down the back of his neck. "I'm having some money issues right now and…"

"You're gambling again? What the hell Seeley? Don't you care at all about your son? What happened, you lost your paycheck and now you can't pay your bills? I went through that with you once, and I swear to God I will not let Parker be around that at all."

"Rebecca, that's not…"

"Mom, dad, what's going on?" Both adults turned to look at Parker as he looked from one to the other. Rebecca reached out for him and pulled him into the house, even as he protested.

"Parker, go up to your room. We'll talk about this later."

"But mom," he began, but at her look, he hurried away from the door and in the direction of his bedroom. Rebecca turned back to Seeley, anger seething just below the surface.

"You will not be seeing your son again until you get your act together. I will not see him disappointed."

"You think I want to? Jesus, I didn't want him tonight because my damned medical leave pays me even less than my job normally does. I didn't want him to be freezing because my gas was cut off. Is that pathetic enough for you? Am I enough of a loser like everyone seems to think I am? Look at Seeley Booth; he can't even afford to warm his own damned house. Heaven forbid he does anything that doesn't disappoint someone." Booth's voice rose louder, until he was shouting at his ex at the end. Rebecca looked shocked, and was even more so when Brent's fist landed firmly on Booth's face, knocking down the FBI agent.

"I don't care if you two had a past or not, you do not talk to her that way." Booth just looked up at the pair of them and shook his head. Why did he even think that he'd get any support from his ex? Could this day possibly get any worse he wondered as he got slowly to his feet and turned his back on the couple. It wasn't worth getting into a fight over this. Maybe Rebecca was right anyway, and he was a disappointment to his son.

He didn't look back as he got into his SUV and drove off, heading back to his apartment to wallow in his pity fest and freeze his ass off in the process. When he reached home again, he grumbled to himself all the way to his apartment, pausing with the key in the lock when he noticed an envelope stuck into the frame.

He frowned as he pulled it out and opened it. As he read what was inside, his hand formed a fist in anger, crumpling the paper. An eviction notice. It looked like is landlord wasn't going to give him a break after all. Booth rested his head against the door frame for a moment and closed his eyes. How in the hell was he supposed to get together enough money to pay not only his rent, but also all of his other bills? Sure, he could do one or the other, but certainly not both of them. There had to be someone he could talk to that could look at the situation objectively and maybe help him come up with a solution.

He pushed away from the wall and headed back down to his SUV. There was only one person he could think of to talk to in a situation like this, and that was his partner, Bones.

XxXxX

"So you really are going through with it huh," Angela asked as she sat on the couch and took a sip from her wine. Temperance nodded as she headed for her front door to find out who was knocking. She wasn't expecting anyone besides Angela that evening.

"Yes. I think I've waited long enough, and I've thought through the changes I'll have to make in my life, and I feel that I'm ready for this."

"Have you told Booth yet," the artist said as Brennan opened the door. Standing there was the most dejected FBI agent she'd ever seen in her life. Booth looked just past Temperance at Angela.

"Has who told me what?"

"Booth, what are you doing here? I thought you had Parker this evening. What happened to your eye?" Temperance stepped aside to let Seeley in, closing the door as he made his way to the couch and flopped down. She'd never seen him look so defeated in his life and she was immediately worried.

"Slight change of plans. I won't be seeing him for a while." Brennan frowned at his statement. She was sure there was more to it than him just not having his son for Christmas Eve. "What was it that you haven't told me?"

"Oh, I've finally made an appointment for insemination." Booth looked at her for a long time, the artist sitting next to him completely forgotten for the moment.

"I thought you said you weren't going to have a kid, you know back before…" he let the sentence hang as he pointed to the healed over spot on his head from the brain surgery.

"Well your situation was a little more important to me at the time."

"So you're just going to use some random guy's stuff then?"

"No, of course not. I asked you to donate, and I'm using your sperm per our agreement." Booth frowned as he looked at his partner. That wasn't exactly how he remembered the conversation going.

"What agreement did we have? I remember telling you that I couldn't allow you to use my stuff if I wasn't allowed to be involved fully in raising the baby, and you said that you wouldn't have a child then."

"Yes, but in the hospital you said that if something happened that you wanted me to use your sperm to have a child."

"Well what the hell's happened that you're using it? Does that mean that I'm fully involved in this now?" Booth was agitated. This was not the topic he needed to discuss with his partner, but that tiny niggle of hope was waiting for her answer.

"I told you before that I plan to raise the child on my own and don't intend to ask you for any form of support," Temperance said and took one step back in surprise as Booth stood quickly and invaded her space.

"Am I so God damned horrible in your mind that you can't imagine that maybe, just maybe I'd want to be involved in the life of my child? Am I such a horrible parent that I don't deserve to see my child because I can't fucking afford to pay my own bills?" The statement caught both Temperance and Angela off guard.

"What are you talking about?" Brennan's heart raced as Booth's hand reflexively clenched into a fist, and for the briefest of moments, she was scared that he would bust a hole in her wall. Booth was always so in control of his emotions and the image he projected to others. She'd never seen him lose his cool like this before, and it scared the hell out of her.

"It's the same God damned reason that Rebecca won't let me see Parker anymore." Booth was beyond caring what either Temperance or Angela thought. He'd had enough and had reached his breaking point. "Heaven forbid something go good in my life for once like being able to pay my bills on time so I wouldn't have to cancel on my son. And what happened when I did that? Rebecca told me I could forget about seeing him again until I got my life in order. Well guess what Rebecca, that's not happening any time soon, so I certainly hope that you realize that the one good thing in my life right now has finally been taken away from me."

"Booth, maybe you should calm down," Angela said as she set down her glass and stood up. This out of control side of him was scary, but if they could just discuss this in a rational manner, then maybe the three of them could sort through whatever was wrong.

"I'm not going to fucking calm down! You know, I really do wish I hadn't woken up from that damn coma."

"Booth, don't say that," Brennan said as she watched her partner begin to pace.

"Why? At least the life I had going on in my head gave me everything I wanted. I know you know how it feels to not be wanted in someone's life and thank you so much for finally letting me know how you feel about me."

"What?"

"Heaven forbid you have a child with me because you love me and we raise them together because we're together and we're happy. Nope, you just want my god damned sperm so I can watch everything from a distance, aching to spend time with the people I love."

"I don't just want your sperm."

"Then why the hell wouldn't you want me to be with you to raise a child? Why am I so unimportant that you couldn't consider how I might feel on the subject?" Booth raked a hand through his hair, tugging so hard he threatened to pull out handfuls of the stuff. "Oh that's right, you don't think emotions are important. You think they get in the way. I have worked for years to get you to open up and realize how much of the world you've been missing because you close yourself off from everyone. I had hoped that in the process you would have realized that I did it because I'm in love with you, but instead you just have to keep me too far away to know how great things could be. You have no idea how great it could be, but I know. I know because I had that. I had you and we were happy and we were going to have a child, and then I had to fucking wake up to this god damned life where I'm just not good enough for anyone."

"Booth…"

"No. I don't want to hear it. I don't know why I thought coming here would help. I just…" Seeley shook his head and stormed past Temperance to get out of the apartment. He jerked at the door a couple of times before he could get it open, dropping the crumpled papers in his hand on the floor. He stormed out, not looking back at Brennan's devastated face as he slammed the door between them.

He didn't get in the truck. He didn't want to drive right now; he just wanted time to think. Maybe it would have been better if he had died from the reaction to his anesthesia. At least that way Parker could be taken care of thanks to the life insurance policy. Booth shook his head in wry amusement. It was pretty sad that he was worth way more dead than he was alive. What did he honestly bring to the world when he'd spent his entire life screwing things up? Why did he have to constantly help others when he got nothing for it in return? When did anything good ever happen to him?

His thoughts continued along those lines even as it began to snow around him. He didn't notice the change in the weather, or even how he got to the bridge. He just knew that suddenly he was standing over the Potomac watching chunks of ice swirl in the water below as snow fell around him. He knew he was sufficiently beat up that maybe it would look like there'd been some sort of a struggle. He pulled his coat around him and took a deep breath. This is it he thought and slowly crossed himself.

"God forgive me," he murmured and placed his hands onto the railing of the bridge. Just as he was about to jump, he heard it, a struggle, a scream and a gunshot. With his heart pounding, Booth turned from the bridge and raced in the direction of the scuffle. He couldn't just let someone get hurt, not if he could prevent at least one more death in this city.


	10. Chapter 10

Booth saw the man lying on the ground in the middle of the road. He ran up to him, trying to see if he was okay, and to find out if his attacker was still around. When he saw no one else, he cursed under his breath and dropped down next to the man.

"Hey buddy, you okay?" He rolled the man onto his back, relieved that his groan didn't sound laced with pain. "Are you hurt?"

"I think I startled the poor fellow is all," the man said as he sat up and began to dust off his clothes. "It's not often that one sees someone literally drop in on them."

"Well next time you should be more careful, this isn't exactly the safest area of town." Booth offered the man a hand and pulled him to his feet. He was curious about where he'd come from because of the unusual accent he seemed to have. It sounded somewhat like a Spanish accent, but there was something different about it.

"Is that why you chose that bridge to jump?" Booth looked at the man, somewhat alarmed.

"What are you talking about?"

"You were planning to jump and didn't want it to look like a suicide. That's why you chose this particular bridge, isn't it?" The man looked at Booth calmly as the FBI agent tried to come up with something to say. How in the hell could this stranger know what he was planning to do? The thought had only formed in his mind a few hours earlier, and it wasn't like he discussed it with anyone at all, so how would a perfect stranger know anything about the suicidal thoughts?

"Look, I don't know what your deal is buddy, but I think you need to get out of here."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that Seeley."

"Okay, now you're freaking me out here so stop with the '2001: A Space Odyssey' act." Booth watched as the other man frowned, wearing an expression he'd only ever saw on his own partner's face one too many times.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I think you'll find that modern references are lost on me. I was sent here to help you, because throwing away God's greatest gift isn't the answer. Life is too precious to throw away," the man said as he kept his eyes on Booth. Seeley didn't quite know what to think of the rather odd Mediterranean featured man as they continued their stare off. Finally Booth shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

"You know, you're probably right. It would probably be better if I'd never been born at all. The odd man raised an eyebrow at Booth and crossed his arms.

"Are you sure about that? Do you really think that would be a better option?"

"Sure, I mean that way I wouldn't have been a disappointment to anyone, and this whole situation would never have occurred." Booth watched as the man shook his head and sighed. He looked heavenward for a moment as if he was praying for some sort of patience or something and finally returned his gaze to Booth.

"Well, this isn't something that we normally would do, but if you honestly think that this world would be better off if you'd never been born so be it. You, Seeley Booth have never existed." A gust of wind blew over the road, swirling the snow up around both of the men. Booth frowned as the throbbing in his face from where he was punched seemed to disappear completely. He reached up to touch the bruised skin, but found that it didn't hurt at all.

"Huh, that's odd."

"What's odd?"

"My eye doesn't hurt anymore."

"That's because you weren't punched in the face." The man and Booth once again held each other's gazes and finally Booth sighed. He was worried about the guy, and while he didn't think the man was crazy, he did think that maybe he needed some help.

"Okay fine, I don't have a black eye anymore. Look, I think I could use a stiff drink, and I'm thinking that maybe you do to. Why don't you come with me and I'll buy you something."

"Oh, I don't drink alcohol, but I'm sure that the facility would have something to refresh me," he smiled as the two men began the walk away from the bridge. Something about the man bothered Booth, but he wasn't quite sure what it was. It wasn't anything bad at all, it was more that as strange as it was that the man knew who he was and why he was on the bridge, he managed to comfort at the same time.

"You never said what your name was. I mean obviously you know who I am, but you didn't give your name."

"Most know me as Anthony."

"Well Anthony, I think you'll like Wong Foo's. I know the owner, Sid and he'll be able to get you just what you need."

"That sounds wonderful, thank you."

The pair walked in silence for a while, Booth wondering why he was so trusting of this man that knew so much about what he was thinking or feeling. He could tell the man was relatively young, maybe forty at the oldest, and there was just something so peaceful about him. Anthony had a truly comforting presence about him and he put Booth at ease with no real effort on his part.

"So Anthony, I'm guessing you're not from around here." Booth looked over at his companion, noting that the man smiled, though he didn't look in Booth's direction.

"No. I hail originally from Lisbon."

"So you are European. I was wondering about the accent."

"You're a perceptive man Seeley, and always have been. I wonder then how it is that you perceive that you've done harm to those in your life."

"At this point I don't see how I've done any real good. I mean I did so much harm in the Army to others that I'm just trying to make up for my sins now."

"Ah, I see. Even you should know that killing in the course of serving your country isn't considered a sin in the eyes of the Lord. You did not take it upon yourself to end the life of another individual because of rage or jealousy. You've always done so to protect others, and that is not a sin, far from it."

"Yeah well regardless, people have died under my watch and that is my fault. I should have protected them better."

"Do you truly believe that, or are you just using it as a means to torture yourself? God is great in his wisdom and knows that you've done the best that you could. You yourself have said that He only gives you what you can handle. It is up to you how you face those challenges." Booth glanced over at Anthony as they continued their walk. The traffic was getting heavier and he was glad to know they were nearing the restaurant and bar of his friend. The sooner he could be sure that Anthony was somewhere safe and warm instead of unconscious in the middle of a street, then the better off he would be.

"How is it that you seem to know so much about me?" Anthony smiled and finally glanced over at Booth.

"I think you'll find I know everything about you Agent Booth. I was sent here to help you find your way back. It's a sad thing when someone loses their path in life or their will to live. There are a lot of people who care about you and want to see you safe."

"Yeah? I can't imagine who would feel that way. All I manage to do is disappoint everyone around me." Booth let out a sigh and opened the door to Wong Foo's, letting Anthony in first. He was relieved to be somewhere familiar to him so the weirdness of the evening could be evened out a bit.

"Oh don't be ridiculous. There are plenty of people who love you and care about you. How could you think that they don't? I think you'd be surprised to know the number of lives you've touched."

"Yeah and not for the better I think," Booth said as he sat down at the bar, Anthony taking the seat next to him.

"Never have I met a man more negative about himself than you. You led a wonderful life; I just don't think you realized how good it was." Anthony glanced over at the bartender who had approached them in the middle of the conversation. He seemed to be scrutinizing Booth for a long moment before starting to speak.

"You look like someone who's lost his way a bit, but I think I know just the thing to cheer you up, and you," the bartender turned to look at Anthony, his eyes widening a bit in awe of the rather simple looking fellow. "I'll get you a little something to warm you up. It's a cold night out tonight."

"Thanks Sid," Booth said, earning the attention of the man behind the counter.

"How the heck do you know my name when I don't know you from Adam?"

"What are you talking about? I'm in here with Bones all the time."

"Who the hell is Bones?" Booth opened his mouth to answer, obviously confused about why Sid didn't recognize him.

"My partner, Temperance Brennan."

"Look man, I don't know who you are, or who this Bones person is, but I want you to listen closely. I'll get your drinks, but you finish them and get out. I'm not going to have some weirdo in here stirring up trouble for my other patrons." With that, Sid walked away. Booth glanced at Anthony, not sure what the heck was going on.

"I don't get it. I've known Sid for almost ten years. Why the hell wouldn't he know who I am?"

"It's because you don't exist. You said yourself that you wished that you'd never been born, and Seeley Booth never was. You are no longer him, and have never met Sid before tonight."

"That's ridiculous."

"Is it? Is it also ridiculous that your black eye has gone away?" Booth growled in the back of his throat. He'd been pretty accommodating up to that point but now this stranger was really beginning to get on his nerves.

"I have had just about enough of this whole mystical act. I got you here, and you're out of danger, so I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me alone and get back to wherever the hell it is that you came from."

"Oh? And where is it that you plan to go?"

"Where I plan to go is none of your business." Booth pulled out his wallet and threw down a few bills on the bar to cover the cost of any drinks brought out and left the bar in a huff. Whatever Anthony's deal was, it was driving him crazy and he just wanted to get back home and try to pretend this whole day hadn't happened.

He jammed his hands into his pockets and began walking. He really wished that he hadn't left his SUV over at Bone's place because he could use it right about now, what with the cold wind and all. Changing his destination, he decided instead to make it over to Rebecca's house. Maybe his ex would give him a chance to better explain the circumstances and not take away his visitations with Parker.

It took him about forty five minutes to get there, but when he did, he frowned. The house was no longer decorated with Christmas lights, and the overly happy elf wasn't on the front porch. He brushed off the feeling of wrongness invading his gut and made his way to the front porch. After knocking, it took a moment for the door to be opened, but the woman answering the door certainly wasn't his ex.

"Yes, can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Rebecca Stinson, is she in?" The woman smiled at him in a pitying sort of way.

"I'm sorry, but there's no one here by that name. You must have the wrong address." Booth looked at the numbers on the house, but it was indeed the correct house.

"Oh, okay, well thanks ma'am."

"Of course. Merry Christmas young man." She smiled again at him and shut the door. Booth turned away from the door and nearly jumped out of his skin as he saw Anthony standing there.

"If you'd told me where you were going then I could have saved you the trip. Rebecca doesn't live her and never has. As a matter of fact, she never had Parker because she never met you."

"Don't you dare say that! How could my son not exist?"

"He doesn't exist because you don't. When are you going to realize that you are more important than you think you are?"


	11. Chapter 11

"Don't tell me that Parker doesn't exist! I don't know what you've done to make things all wacky, but I know this is where Becca lives, so why the hell are there strangers here?"

"Seeley, Rebecca never moved to Washington DC. She never went to college because she got pregnant her senior year of high school."

"That's ridiculous. The only kid she ever had was Parker."

"Don't you get it? She never met you at school, didn't see her boyfriend go to college on a scholarship, and didn't strive to get there herself. Instead she started dating a Patrick Nichols and got pregnant."

"No, there's no way she'd date him. She hated him." Anthony shook his head at Booth's denial.

"That was righteous anger because of the slurs he'd use about your aunt. You were never around to stop him from speaking that way, so she never had a reason to dislike him. Now she's stuck in a loveless marriage with three kids and doesn't know how to get herself out of the situation."

"No, that can't be true. Rebecca's stronger than that."

"Not without you having been around."

"This is crazy. I'm hallucinating or something. Oh man, my brain tumor must be coming back. I've got to get out of here." Booth turned abruptly and left Anthony on the doorstep of the house. He had to get away from here, figure out what was going on. His walk turned into a run as he headed toward his apartment. He'd been fine for months, well as fine as he could be really considering that the lack of pay had put him behind on all of his bills and that was why he was in the predicament he was in, in the first place.

He wasn't sure how long he was gone for, how long he ran, but soon he found himself standing outside the door to his apartment. He reached in his pocket for his keys, but they weren't there. Silently he cursed and reached for his key rock to grab his spare, but even that was gone. Booth frowned, knowing that the thing had been there when he left for his partner's place.

In frustration, he brought his foot up to the door, kicking it hard. What had he told Teddy? Any lock worth picking is worth kicking? He kicked it again in frustration, and again until he heard a scream from inside and the sound of someone running down the hall toward him.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Booth whirled on the other man, a rather portly and balding fellow. He vaguely recognized the man as one of his neighbors. What was his name? Tim? Tom? No, it was Terry.

"Look, Terry, I'm just trying to get into my apartment."

"Don't give me that shit. This is Miss Angie's place and how the hell do you know my name?"

"We've been neighbors for a couple of years. You borrowed milk from me before."

"I've never seen you before in my life, and if you don't leave now I will call the cops."

"I am the cops," Booth said, reaching for his badge. The only problem was that it was no longer there. As he paused to figure out what he did with his FBI badge, the door behind him swung open and he was hit on the back of the head with a book. "Ow!"

"Get the hell out of here and leave me alone!" Booth whirled in surprise.

"Angela? What are you doing here?"

"I said get out!" She swung the book again, but Booth was able to duck the blow this time. He grabbed hold of her arm to keep her from attacking him again. "Let go of me!"

"That's it, I'm calling the cops," Terry said and ran past Angela to get to a phone. Booth ignored the portly man and looked at his partner's best friend.

"Look Ange, I don't know what's going on here, but what are you doing in my apartment? Is Bones with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Let go of me or you'll get arrested." She tugged and found he let go of her willingly.

"I'm not sure what's going on her, but I was with you and Temperance earlier tonight. I was a little upset, and I'm sorry I yelled, but how did you get into my apartment?"

"What are you talking about? I've been here all evening."

"No. I went over to Bones' apartment and the two of you were there having a glass of wine."

"Who the hell is Bones?"

"What do you mean who's Bones? Jesus, Angela I would have thought for sure you'd know me. Bones is my partner, Temperance Brennan." Angela backed away from him, more fearful than she had been before.

"You couldn't have seen her today."

"I swear to you I did, and you were with her. Why won't you believe me?"

"I haven't seen her in years, and unless you were at the cemetery, neither did you!" Angela backed away from him and into her apartment, slamming the door in Booth's face. He stood there, stunned. What did she mean that if he'd been at the cemetery? Was Bones…? He shook his head. No, she couldn't be dead. There was no way that she could be dead. He began to pound on the door.

"Angela! Angela please, what do you mean she's at the cemetery? She can't be dead! Please just open up!"

"Sir, I need you to step away from the door now." Booth stopped knocking and didn't need to know that there was a police officer standing behind him. Booth raised up his hands and backed away from the door before turning around slowly. He felt like he was back in the army and his location had been given away. This night couldn't possibly get any worse, could it?

"Okay, I know the drill. I just want you to know, that I may have scared her, but she's fine. I didn't hurt anyone." Booth said it calmly as the second officer came up behind him and pulled his hands down, cuffing them.

"You come with us peacefully and there'll be no trouble." Booth nodded and was led away by one officer as the other knocked on the apartment door. Hopefully the Angela in this Twilight Zone of an evening would confirm that she was indeed unharmed and didn't press any kind of charges against him. The last thing he needed on this Christmas Eve was to go to jail for having some sort of very real hallucination. That's what it had to be, right?

He waited curbside, sitting with his head toward his knees and hands cuffed behind his back for word on whether or not Angela was going to press charges. He wondered how it was that she lived in his apartment and why she insisted that Brennan was at a cemetery. Nothing was adding up anymore.

"Well, you lucked out sir." Booth glanced up at the officer returning to the car. "The young lady you startled isn't pressing charges. You're free to go, but if we get a call again…"

"Don't worry, you won't," Booth said as his handcuffs were removed. He stood and looked at the two officers standing there. "Hey, I'm sorry you won't get to spend the evening with your families."

"Comes with the territory. You got somewhere to go? Do you need a ride home?" Booth shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. With a sigh, he walked away, not sure where he was going, or if there was anywhere he could go for that matter. Even though the idea pained him, he really wanted Anthony to show up so that he could have some answers.

"Have you found what you were looking for yet?" Both turned to look at Anthony as the man caught up to him and matched his stride.

"Please, can you take me to see Bones?"

"Seeley, I really shouldn't…"

"Look, right now I really don't care. I just want to see my partner." It took a moment, but Anthony sighed and nodded his assent. The two walked in silence for a while before Booth turned to his companion again.

"So what happened to everyone?"

"Are you sure you want the answer to that?"

"Yes. I think all of the weirdness I've encountered tonight needs an explanation." After a moment, Anthony nodded.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"What happened with my family?"

"Jared died when he was eight. He fell through the ice while playing hockey with his friends, and they weren't able to get him out."

"No, he fell through, but I pulled him out. I saved him."

"You weren't there to save him. You were never born, so he had no one to look out for him. Your mother was so distraught at the death of her son that she left your father and ended up in an institution."

"I can't believe that."

"You've touched so many lives, helped so many people. Hank Litrell died in Kosovo because you weren't there to save him. General Radjic killed hundreds more because you weren't there to take him out. Howard Epps is still out there preying on young girls because you weren't there to arrest him."

"That's ridiculous. There was evidence to prove that Howard killed those girls, and how is it that the sniper sent in my place didn't take out Radjic? I was good, but there were others who were better."

"You were meant to be there for those events, but since you've never existed, you weren't there to prevent them. Are you sure you want me to go on?" Anthony looked at Booth as they paused before the gates to the cemetery. Seeley blew out a breath and nodded his head before Anthony put his hand on the gate and it swung open. They continued through the rows of headstones before finally coming to rest at one hear a small shade tree. Booth bent down and squinted to see the name on the headstone. His heart constricted in his chest and he collapsed onto the frozen ground as he read the inscription.

Dr. Temperance Brennan

1975-2005

Brilliant Scientist and Friend

"Angela?" Booth glanced up to Anthony for the confirmation of a fact he already knew.

"She was devastated when Temperance was killed. She quit her job at the Jeffersonian and moved to New Mexico for a while, but when Kirk and Dani went missing, something in her just broke. She wandered for a while, but was never the same. When she returned to Washington she moved into the apartment, your apartment but has no real ties here anymore."

"What? Of course she does. She still has Hodgins, right?" Anthony shook his head.

"Jack Hodgins was still abducted by the Gravedigger, but was never found. He wasn't released because the team wasn't there to save him, and the Cantilever Group wouldn't put up money for a ransom."

"No, that can't have happened."

"Max Keenan is still living in Oregon as an electrician, feeling as though he failed his children, and Russ is in jail for theft because he tried to steal in order to get the money needed for Haley's medical expenses. You were never there to bring them together, and there was no need with Temperance's death anyhow."

Booth looked back at the headstone and traced his fingers along the lettering. It looked like he'd lost everything. He didn't have his son, and now he didn't have his Bones.

"What… how did she…" He just couldn't say it. It seemed impossible to him that she was dead. Anthony was quiet for a moment before he responded.

"Temperance died in the Hamilton Cultural Center during a terrorist attack. The explosion killed her along with hundreds of others. Many of the people that survived the blast are living with this side effects of the dioxin used in the explosion."

"No, I took Farid out. I took him…" Booth shook his head and staggered to his feet. Temperance was dead because he wasn't there to save her. She'd been the one to identify Farid Masruk in the first place, and now because he wasn't there to stop the terrorist, she was dead. His whole family, his whole world was taken from him.

"Seeley," Anthony began, but Booth shook his head. No, this couldn't be happening. He didn't want to be alone in the world with no one to be by his side. He didn't want his friends, the few that were still around to suffer heartache because he wasn't there to stop it, but most of all, he didn't want to be in a world where his family was gone.

"Oh god, no," Booth muttered and turned to run. He'd been running all evening it felt like, but he couldn't stand to live in this world. Too many good people had terrible things happen to them and he wouldn't stand for it any longer. He ran, not paying attention to the cars in the road, or the angry shouts as people nearly hit him. He ran to try and fend off the tears that were falling despite his efforts to keep them at bay. He ran until he collapsed on the steps of his parish church, St. Anthony of Padua Catholic church.

Inside he could hear the Midnight Mass going on, the strains of 'O Holy Night' being sung by the congregation. He couldn't make it in and heaved sobs as he crossed himself and folded his hands in prayer.

"Please, I want to live again. I don't want this life. I want my family and friends back. I need them back. Anthony, please help me. I want to live again."


	12. Chapter 12

_AN: Hey there guys. I'm glad you've been enjoying this story and as you can see, this is in fact the last chapter of this story. Sad I know, but hopefully the ending makes up for the sadness. Two things before I go. One, I am having a second boy due December 15__th__. Second, I'll be starting a new story under my alternate penname upncomer called 'Amazing Grace'. It's a sequel to 'Here comes Santa Claus'. If you haven't read that one or any of the stories under that penname, please do. With that, I hope you enjoy this last chapter and hope that you look forward to my other works. Thanks for reading._

Wind gusted around Booth as the snowfall lessened, coating the cold city quietly. The evening was peaceful around him as he kept his hands clasped before him, taking in long calming breaths. Booth wasn't sure what had happened, but something had changed; he could feel it.

As the strains of the Christmas carol died down, Booth felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked at the priest standing over him.

"You'll catch your death of cold out here Seeley. What are you doing out here instead of in service?" Booth stood hastily and looked at one of the priests serving his parish.

"Father Richardson, you know me?"

"Of course I do son, and I've got to say you've a fair amount of people worried about you. Please, come in and warm up." Booth nodded and pulled himself to his feet with a wince. A smile broke out on his face as he limped into the church behind Father Richardson. Halleluiah, his feet hurt! He touched his eye and winced as pain shot through his face from the puffy skin around the orb. Brent had still punched him. He was back. Thank the Lord and St. Anthony, he was back!

As he entered the church, the warmth of the building began to seep into his bones, warming him. He wouldn't have noticed though as a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

"Dad! I prayed for you," Parker said as Booth crouched down to properly hug him. "I was so sad for you and wanted you back."

"Thank you Parks," Booth replied and glanced up at Rebecca. She had her hands in front of her mouth as tears streamed down her face. Seeley stood up and pulled her into the hug as well as Brent stood back to give them a private moment.

"Seeley, I'm so sorry. Dr. Brennan called me after you left and explained what was going on. We're all so worried about you, I thought…" She shook her head and buried it into his shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm okay." Booth gave them both another squeeze before he pulled back away from them. Rebecca looked at him and tilted her head in confusion.

"Well I don't know what happened to you, but whatever it was, I'm grateful. You don't seem quite so lost anymore." Booth smiled at his ex and pulled his son in closer to his side. In the main body of the church, the service continued on oblivious to the reunion. Seeley glanced up at the stained glass window depicting St. Anthony holding the Christ child and offered a small nod of thanks.

"I had a little help finding my way back. You said Bones called you?"

"Yes, she's very worried about you. I think we should get over there right away." Rebecca reached for his hand and led him and Parker from the church as Brent followed them out. "I'm sorry for how I reacted earlier, you know at the house. I know you've been…" Rebecca shook her head and turned to look at Booth as he sat in the backseat of Brent's SUV with Parker. "Anyway when Dr. Brennan called and explained what was going on I made a decision. You can have Parker as much as you'd like until you go back to work. I should have paid more attention when you came to me earlier."

"Thank you Rebecca, but I still have a few things to work out."

"No you don't dad. Bones took care of everything." Booth glanced at his son with a bit of a frown.

"What are you talking about Parks?" His son broke into a grin as they took off for the forensic anthropologist's apartment.

"I think you'd call it a miracle dad." Booth smiled at his son and ruffled his hair. He really doubted that he could have any more of a miracle than what he'd already experienced this evening. It just felt so good to have his family back, his life back that there really wasn't anything that could top what he was experiencing.

The drive to Brennan's didn't take long, and Booth found himself curious about what was going on. He could see the lights on in her apartment and people walking around. He was sure that Angela was still there, but wasn't sure who else would possibly be at her apartment at this hour. His silent question was answered when everyone got out of the car and headed up to the fifth floor apartment.

"Becs, what's going on?" Booth turned to look at his ex when she knocked on the door. Rebecca just turned and smiled at him as she bounced on her toes a bit.

"You'll see. Sheesh, you never were one for surprises." When the door swung open, Booth immediately felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

"Oh thank God, Booth you're alright." Before he could respond, Temperance kissed him on the lips and pulled him into the apartment. "We were all so worried."

"Who is we," Booth asked before going silent at the group gathered before him. Suddenly he felt as though he'd been thrust into an episode of 'This is your life' without being told he'd be a guest. Besides Rebecca, Parker, Brent and Temperance there were so many others gathered at the apartment that he was in shock. Angela, Hodgins and Cam had shown up along with the recent slew of interns. He could understand the first three, but wasn't quite sure what the interns were doing there. He wasn't going to question it however as he continued to look around. Cullen, Sweets and Caroline had shown up along with Max, Russ, Amy and the kids. It was strange to see the group of them there together. Cullen always seemed ill at ease around Max, not that Booth could blame him. Hank, Jared and even his grandfather were in the apartment.

"I'm not sure why you didn't come to any of us for help with your current situation, but after you left I picked up the papers you threw on the floor. I'm sorry if you didn't want anyone to know what was going on but…" Brennan started out as she looked at Booth but quickly averted her eyes as he stared back at her.

"It's not my place to ask for help," Booth responded and gently brought a hand up to Brennan's chin so she'd look at him.

"Dude, that's so ridiculous. With as much as you've either helped us out or saved our asses over the years if anyone deserves a little help in a time of need, it's you," Hodgins said.

"Consider this little gathering a Christmas gift for you from all of us," Booth's grandfather stated as he looked at his stunned grandson. "You do so much for others that it's time everyone give back to you for a change."

"What is it that's being given back," Booth asked the group at large, still stunned that they were all gathered there for him.

"I hope you don't mind, but after you left here earlier I went over to your apartment and looked through your household files," Temperance said. Suddenly Booth understood. "Between myself and Hodgins we were able to straighten out your finances."

"Bones, you didn't have to."

"I know we didn't have to, but that's what partners do right? They help each other out." Temperance offered him a shy smile and Booth pulled her into a hug.

"I don't know what to say, really."

"Cher, just kiss her and it'll make all of us happy," Caroline said from her place in the room. Everyone laughed, but Booth did as he was told. He knew when to argue with the attorney and when to do what she said. He leaned down and captured Brennan's lips with his as the others in the room let out cat calls and applause.

XxXxX

Booth watched from the couch as his friends and loved ones mingled and enjoyed themselves. Christmas music played on the stereo and the overall mood was incredibly joyful. He turned as his grandfather sat down next to him and looked at the group of people as well.

"It looks like you've got quite a few people who love you Seeley,"

"Yeah, I guess I really do."

"You know, when Jared called me saying that you were in trouble, I knew I had to get down here right away. All I could think about was what almost happened when you were fourteen. You could have come to me you know. I'd never judge you for anything." Booth smiled at his grandfather before he looked back at the group, his gaze settling on Temperance as she spoke with Jared and her brother.

"I know. I should have gone to someone, but I didn't feel like I could. I didn't need to burden anyone else with my problems, but something happened tonight that made me realize that my life isn't bad at all. In fact, it's pretty damned wonderful."

"From what I heard you were in a pretty bad place. What changed your mind?"

"I had a little help finding my way back." Booth watched his grandfather smile and get up from the couch. Before this evening he never would have believed that he had such a base of support, but now he was grateful for all of the people in his life that cared about him. It didn't matter to them that he was having problems. Instead of turning away from him, they'd rallied together for a show of support he'd never expected in a million years.

As he returned his attention to Temperance, he found her looking at him, and when their eyes met, she smiled at him with that shy little smile she saved just for him and reached out her hand, beckoning him to her side. As he got up to join her he knew one thing for sure. It really was a wonderful life.


End file.
